Page 24 of Dial A for Aunties

“You got better idea is it?” Second Aunt says.

Big Aunt sighs. “I think first.”

“Um,” I squeak, and they all look at me. I charge ahead before I lose whatever tiny bit of courage I have. “Maybe we should take him to the desert and bury him there?”

They mull this over. We’ve been on family trips to Vegas a couple of times; we all know the route well, the empty desolation between California and Nevada that people pass through and never stop at.

“Good idea,” Ma says, smiling with obvious pride at me.

Second Aunt nods. “Yes, very good.”

“Better than your curry idea,” Big Aunt chides. “Okay, we do that when we come back from wedding island. Definitely got no time to do tonight, we need to be at pier tomorrow by eight-thirty.”

Oh my god. In all the panic and confusion, I haven’t forgotten that we still need to work a wedding tomorrow, but I have forgotten the details of it—the fact that it’s at Santa Lucia and that we have to congregate tomorrow morning at the pier to catch one of the private yachts that will be taking us to the island. The thought of it exhausts me. Driving to the desert, digging a hole, filling it, and then driving back is out of the question for tonight. As it is, I can barely stay on my feet.

“We cannot leave him in trunk for whole weekend,” Ma says. “Later he will stink up my house, then will be very hard to get rid of smell.”

Big Aunt nods again. “We need to put him in fridge.”

Lord help me, we are literally talking about fridging the dude.

“My fridgerator not big enough,” Ma says.

“Only you got fridge big enough,” Second Aunt says to Big Aunt.

The only sign that betrays Big Aunt’s dismay at the realization that it would have to be her fridge is a flicker of displeasure, but then she nods and says, “Okay. Anyway, I will feel better with body in my fridge than if body in someone else fridge; who knows, maybe that person is not so responsible.” She gives Second Aunt the side-eye. Second Aunt’s nostrils flare and she opens her mouth to speak, but Big Aunt says, “We go now.”

“Um, could we move him into your trunk?” I say. “It’s pretty obvious my car’s been in an accident, and I don’t want us to get pulled over.”

“Okay. My car already in your driveway. Come, we move him.”

We all crowd around Jake’s body.

“We can’t carry him out like this,” I say. “What if someone sees?”

“Yes, cover him with something,” Second Aunt says. “Nat, you got big bag or not? You know, when Hendra go ski, he takehis ski in this very big bag. I always think, wah, can fit me inside that bag.”

“Why you think that? Such unlucky way of thinking,” Big Aunt scolds.

Before Second Aunt can snark back at Big Aunt, Ma quickly cuts in. “No, Meddy don’t ski. Maybe garbage bag? Can it fit or not?”

We regard the body. “I think he’s a bit tall to fit in a trash bag, Ma,” I say.

“We’d have to cut him up first,” Fourth Aunt says, her eyes shining with what I can only describe as horrified glee. Has she always been this murderous? Have they always been this blasé about chopping bodies up?

“Such silly idea,” Ma scoffs. “So messy, and the garbage bags always leak. You will make big mess in my garage.”

“That’s because you always buy the cheap ones,” Fourth Aunt shoots back. “I told you to buy Glad brand. Haven’t you seen their ads? Glad bags will hold his cut-up body just fine, no leaks!”

I look at the ceiling. Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body. “What about a blanket?” I say. “We just need something to cover him while we move him to Big Aunt’s car. All it has to do is make him look less... like a dead body.”

“Good idea,” Big Aunt says.

Ma flushes with pride. The woman really needs to get her priorities straight. I run back inside the house, grab a couple of old blankets from our storeroom, and rush back into the garage, where they’ve moved on from the trash bag issue to arguing over some other thing. “Here it is!” I say loudly.

I pass one blanket to Big Aunt and shake out the other. We approach the body, blankets raised, and pause.

Fourth Aunt growls, “Come on, do it!”

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