Page 22 of Dial A for Aunties

But.

New York. That’s so far away, it might as well be another country. What would Ma do without me? I’d be no better than my male cousins, leaving home as soon as they could. No, I’d be even worse, because I gave Ma and my aunties false hope, led them to believe that I’d stay before ripping their hearts right out. Ma would be devastated. Big Aunt would shake her head with disappointment and say, “Wah, turn out girl not blessing. Same as boy, leave us behind.” And Second Aunt and Fourth Aunt would give me disapproving looks as they comfort Ma.

No, I’m better than my cousins. Better than my uncles—and I sure as hell am better than my father. I won’t abandon my family. Not for love, not for anything.

“I—” I pause. I can’t just tell Nathan that I won’t go with him to New York. What if he decides to stay in California because of me? I can’t do that to him. I won’t. I won’t make him give up his dreams for me, not when I’m not prepared to give up mine for him. And let’s not forget about the curse. I’ve always known our relationship is doomed, that there will come a time when Nathan will leave me. I should take matters into my own hands and make sure this will work out okay for Nathan. As it should. It’s too good of an opportunity for him. The thought makes me want to vomit, but it’s clear what needs to happen.

This, then, will be my gift to Nathan.

I turn away from him. I can’t do this while looking at his beautiful, beloved face. I make myself laugh a little. “Well, that’s good. I, uh, I wasn’t sure how to tell you this before, but um. I think it’s best if we, um, if we break up. Yeah.”

“What?”

My gaze darts toward him, just long enough to register the plain shock on his face.

“Yeah, we’ve been together like basically all of our adult lives. I kind of want to see what else is out there. Don’t you?”

Nathan looks like he could put his fist through the wall. “No, I don’t. What the hell, Meddy?”

My chest squeezes like a fist, threatening to crush my heart, my lungs. I struggle to breathe. “I’m sorry, I was planning to tell you after graduation, but this feels like a good time. Now that you’re going to New York, and I’ll be staying in L.A.... it’s all for the best, you know?”

His face is a picture of pain and betrayal. “No, I don’t know. What the—how long have you been feeling this way?”

It’s a struggle to keep from falling apart. I swallow the lump in my throat. Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry. “Um, a while.”

“A while?” He gapes at me for a bit, then barks a mirthless laugh. “Jesus.” He shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair. Takes a long, shuddering breath. “I was gonna...” He shakes his head again. “Never mind. I—I’m gonna go. I’ll, uh, come by for my stuff later. Or something.”

I manage a small “Okay” and stay unmoving as he leaves my room. Dear god, what have I just done? I feel as though everything inside me has just been scooped out, leaving me an empty husk of a person. I can’t watch. I can’t stay here and look as the boy I love walks out of my life. But I do. As the tears finally fall, I make myself stare, because I know it’ll be the last time I see Nathan, and I don’t want to miss a single second of him, even when he’s leaving me.

9

Present Day

Fourth Aunt perks up a little as we walk out of the kitchen. “I’ve never seen a dead guy before,” she says.

“You are too young,” Big Aunt says. “Wait until you are fifty, then all your friend parents here die there die, then you see dead people all the time.”

“Well, obviously I’ve been to funerals before. I’ve seen bodies in coffins. This is different. I mean I’ve never seen a dead guy who isn’t, you know, at a funeral.”

A couple of steps away from the garage, Second Aunt suddenly gasps and says, “Wait! Cannot go out there!”

We all jump, and in the ensuing silence, I swear I can hear all of our hearts beating a mad rhythm.

“What is it?” Ma says.

Second Aunt’s face is stricken. “We cannot see the body! Cannot go near it!”

“Why not?” Fourth Aunt demands, obviously irritated. She glances with anticipation at the garage.

“Tomorrow is big wedding weekend. So unlucky if we are near dead body now, and then we bring the bad luck to the wedding, how can? We will curse bride and groom and their whole family!”

Fourth Aunt groans. “Not this superstitious BS again.”

I don’t usually agree with Fourth Aunt, but I very nearly groan out loud with her, because as soon as Second Aunt says it, both Ma and Big Aunt actually pause to consider what she’s saying. My pulse goes so fast I feel as though I might faint. I can’t believe I might end up going to prison because of a superstition.

“But isn’t the belief that you shouldn’t go to a wedding after you’ve been to a funeral?” I point out.

My aunts’ eyebrows rise.

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