Page 25 of A Soldier's Return

“I only wanted to take my favorite dog out for a run. I never expected to play a small part in saving someone’s life.”

“Not a small part,” he corrected. “You were fantastic. You kept Carol calm, focused the dispatcher and helped with rescue breathing when I needed it. We made an excellent team.”

She looked surprised and pleased at the completely warranted praise. “Thanks. I’m just glad I was there so I could help. I think the remainder of today is going to seem a little anticlimactic, don’t you?

“Probably.”

“If only I could persuade my ogre of a boss to give me the rest the day off.”

“If only he wasn’t such a jerk and you didn’t have a full caseload of patients today, he probably would have been happy to give you some time off.”

“I guess we’ll never know,” she said as they reached the beach-access gate leading into the Brambleberry House gardens.

Her humor made him smile. For some reason he didn’t quite understand, that made him feel guilty about Justine and Miri all over again. It didn’t seem right that he could smile and joke with a beautiful woman who made him desperately want to forget.

Some of his emotional turmoil must have shown on his features.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t seem as happy as I might have expected, considering a very fortunate man is alive because of you.”

He didn’t speak for a long moment, unable to articulate the morass of emotions inside him. He should make some excuse and be on his way. If he wanted to stop at the hospital in Seaside before seeing patients, he had to hurry.

Still, he wanted to confide in her, for reasons he didn’t wholly understand.

“This morning seemed to dredge up some things,” he confided. “The last patient I performed CPR on didn’t make it.”

“Oh, Eli,” she said. Her expression was drenched with compassion. “I’m sorry. That must be tough. But I can honestly say, seeing you in action today, I’m positive you did everything you could.”

Had he? He wanted to think so but wasn’t sure he would ever be convinced of that.

“You understand that not every battle we fight as health care professionals can or should be won,” she went on softly.

“Yeah. I know. There have been plenty of times when I’ve had to accept I can’t change the inevitable and that it is not in the patient’s best interest to try.” He paused. “It’s harder when it’s someone you know.

“The person you lost was someone you cared about.”

He didn’t know how she could possibly know that, yet she spoke the words as a quiet statement, not a question.

“Yes.” He was appalled when emotions welled up in his throat, making it impossible for him to force any more words out around them.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured again. She placed her hand on his arm in a small gesture of comfort.

“Thanks,” he answered, more touched by her compassion than he could ever say. “I thought I had dealt with it, but apparently not.”

“You didn’t show your reaction when it mattered, in the heat of the moment, when you had work to do. I was right there beside you and had no idea what you were going through. You were professional, composed, in full command of the situation. I imagine that’s something they teach you in the military. Do what has to be done when it matters, then react later.”

“I guess.”

“Was it another soldier you lost?”

He gripped Max’s leash a little more tightly. “Justine was an aid worker. She was from a small town outside Paris, a doctor with Doctors Without Borders, in the last refugee camp where I was helping out. We...became friends.”

More than friends, but he didn’t want to tell Melissa that now.

“She died in a suicide bombing at a market square along with fifteen others.” Including Miri. Sweet, smiling, innocent Miri. “I was a few hundred yards away when it happened, first on the scene.”

“Oh, Eli. I’m so sorry. That must have been so difficult.”

He acknowledged her sympathy with a nod. “It was. The situations aren’t the same at all, except for the CPR part. For some reason, that brought everything back.”

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