Page 84 of The Holiday Gift

He grabbed the other pitchfork to help her. “She got distracted by the new barn kittens. She’s up in the loft giving them a little attention.”

Her niece loved animals every bit as much as Caidy had at her age. Maybe she would be a veterinarian someday. “I’m afraid we’re not very good company for her this time of year, are we? Things will be better in January.”

Ridge gave her a long look. “You remember how much Mom loved Christmas. She would hate thinking you would let her and Dad’s deaths ruin the holidays forever.”

“I know.” It wasn’t a new argument between them and right now she wasn’t in the mood, not with this melancholy sidling through her. “Don’t make it sound like I’m the only one. You hate Christmas too.”

“Yeah, well, I think it’s time we both moved forward with our lives. Taft and Trace both have.”

You weren’t there,she wanted to cry out. None of her brothers were. She had been the one hiding under that shelf in the pantry, listening to her mother’s dying gasps and knowing there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.

You weren’t there and you weren’t responsible.

She couldn’t say the words to him. She never could. Instead she spread a little more straw in an area that already had plenty.

“I think it’s time you went back to school.”

She didn’t need this again, today, of all days, when she felt so oddly as if she were teetering on the brink of some major life shift.

“I’m twenty-seven years old, Ridge. I think my school days are past me.”

Her brother’s handsome features twisted into a scowl. “They don’t have to be. Plenty of people finish college when they’re a little older than the traditional student. Sometimes it takes a person a few years to figure out what they want out of life.”

“Have I figured that out yet?” she muttered.

“You won’t while you’re stuck here. I should never have let you come home after your first year of college. I should have made you stick it out. Believe me, I’ve regretted it bitterly, more than I can say. The truth is, after Melinda walked out, I needed you here to help me with Destry. I was lost and floundering, trying to run the ranch and take care of her too.”

He pulled his gloves off and shoved them in his back pocket, then tugged at an earlobe. These words weren’t easy for him, she knew. Of all her brothers, Ridge was the most stoic, hiding his emotions and his thoughts behind the hard steel it took to run a ranch like the River Bow.

“The truth is, I chose the easy path instead of the right one,” he said, regret in his eyes.

“You didn’t choose anything. I did. I wanted to come home. I would have dropped out regardless of whether you needed me here.”

“Not if I hadn’t made it so easy for you to find a soft place to land back home.”

She wasn’t sure if her brothers blamed her for the murders of her parents. She had always been afraid to ask and none of them had ever talked about it.

How could they not blame her on some level? Neither she nor her parents were even supposed to have been home that night. That was the reason an art burglary had turned into a surprise home invasion robbery and then a double murder when her father had tried to stop the thieves.

Caidy would have died with them if her mother hadn’t shoved her into the pantry and ordered her to hide.

Sometimes she felt as if she had been hiding ever since.

“Youshould be the new veterinarian in town, not some new guy from the coast,” Ridge went on, his voice fierce. “It’s been eating at me ever since this Caldwell showed up. Becoming a vet was all you ever wanted. I know Doc Harris had once hoped you would follow in his footsteps. I can’t help thinking how, if things had gone differently, you could have taken over his practice when he retired.”

He managed to hit exactly on the reason for her restlessness. The straw rustled under her feet as she shifted her boots, releasing its earthy scent. Ben Caldwell was living her dream now. It was hard to admit, especially when she knew she had absolutely no right to be upset.

“I made my choices, Ridge. I don’t regret them. Not for a moment.”

“You need a life of your own. A home, a family. You never even date.”

“Maybe I’ll just run off with the new veterinarian. Then where would you be?”

As soon as the words escaped, she heartily wished she had kept her big mouth shut. Again. What could possibly have possessed her to say such a thing? Ridge lifted an eyebrow and gave her a long, searching look, and she had to hope the heat she could feel in her cheeks wasn’t as bright red as it felt.

“I would be happy for you as long as he’s a good man who treats you well,” Ridge said quietly. For some unaccountable reason, her heart ached sharply. Before she could come up with a response, Destry clambered down the loft ladder. “They’re here! I just saw a couple of cars driving up.”

The heat in her cheeks spread down her neck and over her shoulders. “Great,” she managed to say, trying for a cheerful voice.

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