Page 120 of Atmosphere

Donna laughed. “I’m not scared of that. I’m scared of what NASA and everybody else in the world is going to try to tell me I can’t do once I’m a mother. ‘How can you leave your child at home while you’re in space,’ even though fathers have been doing it for, let’s see, over two decades. ‘Should mothers even be in space?’ ‘Who takes care of your child when you’re at work?’ThatI’m scared about. But I’m not scared of being a mother.”

“Why not?” Joan asked her.

“Because it feels good to love someone,” Donna said. “It feels better than anything on this Earth. And I bet better than anything up there.”

—

Donna gave birth to Theafour days later, after only eight hours of labor. Hank called everyone that night. By the time he called Vanessa, it was twoa.m.Vanessa answered it bleary-eyed as Joan sat up next to her.

“Aw, congrats, Hank. Tell Donna we’re proud,” Vanessa said. “That I’m proud, I mean.”

Joan knew she probably had a message on her answering machine.

That weekend, they drove over to Hank and Donna’s with an oversized teddy bear and a frozen lasagna.

When they pulled into the driveway, Jimmy was leaving the house.

“Oh, nice,” Jimmy said when he saw Vanessa get out of the car with the lasagna. Joan was trying to get the teddy bear out of theback. “It’s good how you women do that, the ‘taking care of each other’ thing.”

“You could have just as easily brought food,” Vanessa said, and Jimmy laughed.

Vanessa was holding the lasagna, and Joan waved her off, encouraging her to go ahead inside without her.

After Vanessa walked away, Jimmy stopped at his car door and turned to Joan.

“It’s early,” Jimmy said, “in the morning, don’t you think?”

It was ninea.m.on a Sunday.

“What do you mean?” Joan asked.

“No, nothing,” Jimmy said. “Just that you two are always together. Early in the morning. Late at night.”

Joan looked at him. “Oh, no,” Joan said, her voice as condescending as she could muster. “Little Jimmy Hayman has never had a friend.”

Jimmy squinted at her, got in his car, and left.

Joan finally pulled the teddy bear out of the backseat and tried to lower her heart rate. She planned on telling Vanessa later. But Donna looked so happy, and Hank and Vanessa seemed to be having such a great time talking about their upcoming mission, and Thea felt so good in Joan’s arms. It reminded her of when Frances was so light that Joan kept worrying she would drop her.

The day was such a good one that Joan just put it out of her mind. There was so much to do. She could not be worried about Jimmy Hayman.

—

The rest of October passedby so fast she felt dizzy. It was wild to Joan how long you could wait for something—how much you could ache for it to hurry up and happen—and then how it could come too quickly.

The simulations the crew had tackled over the past months had gone well. Joan felt as prepared as she could imagine herself being.But in early November, she also felt like each moment was carrying more and more weight, the closer she got to the day.

The night before Joan went into quarantine, Joan was waiting for Vanessa to come over when the phone rang.

When Joan realized it was Barbara, she assumed her sister was checking in one last time before Joan’s mission. But no. Barbara had called to talk about Thanksgiving.

“Barb, I have other things to focus on right now other than what I’m bringing to Thanksgiving.”

“Joan, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. We aren’t hosting Thanksgiving this year. Mom and Dad aren’t coming. We’re not doing it.”

“What?”

“Daniel is taking me to Gstaad.”

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