Page 82 of Atmosphere

“Science is about figuring out the meaning of life?”

“Science is about figuring out the order to the universe. Yes.”

“Okay…”

“The theory of general relativity explains the rules of the physical world at large scales, the world we can see with our eyes. Quantum mechanics explains the subatomic world, like electricity and light.”

“Gravity and electromagnetism—I’m with you.”

“You combine them with the two other forces we know of in the universe, the strong force and the weak force—”

“I’m familiar.”

“Well, okay then: that’s already a pretty significant order to the universe right there! Everything that we know of since the Big Bang is ruled by those four forces. We are all connected by these four rules. That’s the beginning, at least, of learning how we are here. Now, we still need a unifying theory—our understanding of the laws of gravity and quantum physics are not currently compatible.”

“It’s a big caveat.”

“But the unifying theorydoesexist. It must. We just haven’t figured it out yet. And I think the pursuit of finding one law to explain the universe is, yes, science, but it’s also the pursuit of God.”

“Not the God that most people are talking about,” Vanessa said.

Joan considered this. “The Jewish philosopher Spinoza said thatGod did not necessarily make the universe, but that Godisthe universe. The unfolding of the universe is God in action. Which would mean science and math are a part of God.”

“And we are a part of God because we are a part of the universe,” Vanessa said.

“Or better yet, wearethe universe. I would go so far as to say that as human beings, we are less of awhoand more of awhen.We are amoment in time—when all of our cells have come together in this body. But our atoms were many things before, and they will be many things after. The air I’m breathing is the same air your ancestors breathed. Even what is in my body right now—the cells, the air, the bacteria—it’s not only mine. It is a point of connection with every other living thing, made up of the same kinds of particles, ruled by the same physical laws.

“When you die, someone will bury you or turn your body into ashes. Eventually, you will return to the Earth. You already are a part of the Earth. What better reason do we have to take care of this Earth and everything on it than the knowledge that we are of one another?”

Joan thought about this so often that it startled her now to realize she’d never put it into words before. What a thrill it was, to say it all.

“The trees need our breath, and our breath needs the trees,” she continued. “As scientists we call that symbiosis, and it is a consequence of evolution. But the natural consequences of our connections to each other—that’s God, to me. I believe in it because I can see it with my own eyes. I know it exists. But I also believe in it because I want to believe in it. I want to spend my energy thinking not of how my actions might be frowned upon by a man in the sky, but how my actions affect every living and non-living thing around me. Life is God. My life is tied to yours, and to everyone’s on this planet. How does that not instantly make us more in debt to one another? And also offer us the comfort that we are not alone?”

Vanessa smiled at her. “Is there more?”

Joan bit her lip. “I don’t know. No?”

“You know,” Vanessa said, “when you’re flying a plane, you can’tsee people on the ground. All you can see are the towns they live in and the neighborhoods they fall asleep in. From up there, everyone is so alike, they have so much in common, and they can’t see it. But I can, when I’m up there.”

“That’s exactly it! Weareeach other. I guess I’m too blown away by it all—too moved by it—to not feel a sense of awe that other people feel in a church.”

Vanessa looked at her. “Someday, I want to take you flying over the Rockies early in the morning, when the sun is rising over the mountains and it hits the ridge just right and…it reminds me of the light coming through the stained-glass windows at the church my mother took me to every Sunday. And I just know you’re going to say, ‘That’s God.’ ”

“Iamgoing to say, ‘That’s God’! Not just because it’s beautiful, but because sunrise over the mountains is part of the universe itself. Everything, all of us, is God.”

She noticed Vanessa staring at her, smiling.

“I probably sound like I’m high,” Joan said. “Not that I’d know.”

Vanessa laughed. “Don’t worry, I followed it perfectly.” She folded both arms behind her head. “Have you told anyone this whole theory of yours?”

“It’s not my theory! Einstein believed it. Many civilizations have considered some form of it. But…no, nobody’s ever asked.”

Vanessa looked at her and smiled. “Well, you’re brilliant,” she said. “You are wasted being a scientist. You should be an Evangelical preacher with that kind face and all this compelling proselytizing.” She pulled Joan back down onto the bed.

Joan laughed. “I’m pretty sure they don’t let people like me be Evangelical preachers.”

“Yeah, you might have a few disqualifying attributes,” Vanessa said as she buried her face in the crook of Joan’s neck. Then she said something that took Joan a second to process: “I love you, you know.”

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