Page 79 of Maybe in Another Life

“Oh, my God!” Gabby says, clapping for me as if I’m a child. “Look what you did! This is nuts!”

I smile and laugh. My energy and Gabby’s excitement must be infectious, because Deanna is laughing and smiling with us.

“It’s crazy, right?” I say. “I’ve been practicing as much as possible. This morning, Dr. Winters was giving me some tips on how to steady myself. I can’t move just yet, really. But I can stand.”

“Wow,” Gabby says, putting down her purse.

She moves toward us. Deanna helps me get back into bed.

“I am so impressed,” Gabby says. “You’re ahead of schedule.”

“I’ll come by to check on you soon,” Deanna says. “Good job today.”

“Thank you,” I tell her as she leaves.

When she’s gone, I tell Gabby about last night.

“Henry took me outside,” I say.

“You walked outside?”

“No,” I say. “In a wheelchair. He took me out on the smoking patio.”

“Oh,” she says.

This is not sounding nearly as romantic as it felt.

“Oh, never mind,” I say. “You had to be there.”

She laughs. “Well, I’m proud of you that you stood up today.”

“I know! Before you know it, I’ll be crawling and eating solid foods.”

“Well, don’t do it when I’m not here!” she says. “You know I like to get that stuff on videotape.”

I laugh. “Just be glad you don’t have to change my diaper,” I tell her. I’m just making a joke, but it hits a little too close to home. I still can’t get to the bathroom on my own. “How are you?” I ask, inviting her to sit down. “How is Mark?”

“He’s good,” she says. “Yeah.”

Something seems off. “What’s on your mind?” I ask her.

“No, nothing,” she says. “He seems very... I don’t know. I think the accident, all of this craziness, maybe it jolted something in him. He’s been very sweet, very attentive. Bringing me flowers. He bought me a necklace the other day.” She starts playing with the one around her neck. It’s a string of gold with a diamond at the center.

“That one?” I say, leaning forward. I take the diamond in my hand. “Wow, is that a real diamond?”

“I know,” she says. “I made a joke when he gave it to me, like ‘OK, what did you do wrong?’ ”

I laugh. “On TV, it’s always that a man comes home with flowers and jewelry when he invites his boss over for Thanksgiving dinner without asking you first or something.”

“Right,” she says, laughing. “Maybe he’s cheating on me. I’ll have to go home and look at all of his shirt collars for lipstick stains, right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “If soap operas are any indication, you will find bright red lipstick stains on his collar if he’s cheating.”

Gabby laughs.

For a moment, I know we are both thinking of the fact that I was once the woman wives watch out for. That I lost a married man’s baby. Sometimes I wonder if this accident wasn’t a clean slate. If it wasn’t permission to start again, to do better.

And then I wonder, if it is a clean slate, what am I going to do with it?

---