Page 72 of Battle of the Bookstores

Still my competition, I remind myself. And I might actually be beating him.

Freaking Xander.

BookshopGirl:Hi!

RJ.Reads:You’ll have to let me know when you’re ready for another book rec.

BookshopGirl:Ooh! I’m almost finished with the new Zadie Smith (so good btw) so now would be good. But is it one of YOUR favorites or your brothers’??

BookshopGirl:As reader commandment #3 says, Thou shalt share thy favorite books with thy trusted friends, for in doing so thou art baring thy soul and revealing the essence of thy heart.

I cringe; too much? I’m not exactly the “funny” type, and this was RJ’s joke to begin with.

Then his response appears, and I relax again.

RJ.Reads:Ha! Your right—don’t want to break the commandments. OK here it is: Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld.

BookshopGirl:Read it and loved it! I grew up watching SNL and the behind-the-scenes glimpses were fascinating. And such an insightful evaluation of how conventionally unattractive men can date women “out of their league,” but it rarely happens the other way around.

RJ.Reads:Agree. (Also: *you’re* above, sorry.) And the chemistry and character development—it was my first book by her and I really enjoyed it. (Also also, I’m relieved you liked it! Otherwise I’d never be able to speak to you again.)

BookshopGirl:Oh I’m a huge fan. I’ve read all her books. I cannot WAIT to hear her speak at IBNE. (And please don’t stop talking to me! I’d be miserable.)

RJ.Reads:You’ll be at IBNE? Me too!

Heart sinking, I stare at the screen. The email about the panel selection is supposed to come today, so IBNE is on mymind—but I didn’t mean to let RJ know I’d be there. The thought of running into him sends panic racing through my body.

Fumbling with my phone, I type a quick response.

BookshopGirl:Forget you read that. Please?

RJ.Reads:But it could be great—we could meet naturally, no pressure. Just two online friends meeting IRL at a book conference.

He’s right, but my stomach twists. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal and agree to a casual meetup with an online friend?

Because he’s more than a friend.The truth of it barrels down on me: I care about him. I care about his opinion of me, too. And I’m terrified that meeting him in person will strip away the carefully constructed layers I’ve built about myself, that I won’t live up to the version of me he’s come to know.

RJ.Reads:Hey, you still there?

BookshopGirl:Yeah. Sorry.

RJ.Reads:No, I’m the one who should apologize. You told me you weren’t interested in meeting, and I pushed it again. I’m sorry.

BookshopGirl:Please don’t apologize—like you said, it’s not strange for two people in the same industry to meet at a conference. I’m the one making it weird.

RJ.Reads:What if we’ve already met? Wouldn’t you want to know?

I assume he means we might have already met at IBNE, in prior years. And it’s true, we might have, but I didn’t know it washim.Is it so wrong that I don’t want things to change? Is it so terrible that I want to stay in this online bubble where I can choose my words, take my time, keep everything safe?

The thought of meeting him out there, in the real world—of being seen, really seen—makes my chest constrict. It’s suddenly hard to breathe.

BookshopGirl:No, I wouldn’t.

That sounds so harsh. Quickly, I type a new message.

BookshopGirl:All I mean is that I really love what we have right now and I don’t want to mess that up.

RJ.Reads:What if it didn’t mess it up, though? What if it made it even better?

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