Page 16 of Battle of the Bookstores

That derails us into a lengthy conversation about what makes someone a sex expert—whether it’s the actual having of sex or the scientific knowledge—until Indira gets us back on track, suggesting, “What about a ‘good vibes’ night, where we give away a vibrator with every book?”

“We’re trying to make money, not give it away,” Cinderella says, wrinkling her brow.

“Maybe we can get a company to donate them,” Nora says. “It would be good advertising for them, and it’s not like people only need one vibrator.”

Everyone agrees.

Over the next hour, we fill Indira’s journal with ideas—several of them good, a few of them great. By the end of the night, I feel almost optimistic. Josie may not have the additional overhead of a staff, but she also doesn’t have a team. A team that feels like family. A family that’s going to do whatever it takes to win.

This battle is on.

BOOKFRIENDS

May 29, 10:11 PM

BookshopGirl:To celebrate making it through an exceptionally shitty day, would you like to play a game?

RJ.Reads:Always.

BookshopGirl:Badly describe one of your favorite childhood books. Go!

RJ.Reads:Let’s see. A bear with a binge-eating disorder, a pig with generalized anxiety, and a donkey with clinical depression have adventures in a forest.

BookshopGirl:Winnie the Pooh?

RJ.Reads:Yep! My mom read it to me when I was little.

BookshopGirl:Lucky. I have no memories of my mother reading to me. But she only read bodice rippers, so that’s probably a good thing. Anyway, my turn! Let me think…

BookshopGirl:OK, got it. Misanthropic chocolatier lures children to factorypowered by forced indigenous labor, resulting in the death and/or injury of nearly all the children while said indigenous laborers sing cautionary songs.

RJ.Reads:Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

BookshopGirl:Ding ding ding! Too easy?

RJ.Reads:My 4th grade teacher read it aloud to us. Thinking about it brings back memories of prepubescent body odor.

BookshopGirl:Yuck?

RJ.Reads:It’s funny, because at the time I thought Willy Wonka was this magical whimsical guy…but now I think maybe he was the villain.

BookshopGirl:Wonka wasn’t the villain. The real villain is Grandpa Joe.

RJ.Reads:What?!?

BookshopGirl:The man lies in bed for twenty years, allowing his poor daughter-in-law to break her back caringfor him! Until Charlie gets that golden ticket. Then Grandpa Joe jumps right out of bed and dances a fucking jig.

RJ.Reads:Damn. I never thought about it that way.

BookshopGirl:He’s a lazy, malingering freeloader who tagged along with Charlie and nearly ruined everything. Tell me I’m wrong.

RJ.Reads:You’re not wrong.

BookshopGirl:I knew I liked you.

5

Josie

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