Page 14 of Counterpoint and Harmony

She catches my eye in the mirror, and I hold her gaze calmly. Much more calmly than I feel, because I want to defend myself too. But that didn’t work before. There’s no reason to expect it to now, even though I love Gabby for wanting to try.

Damian snorts at our exchange, and I look at him again, eyebrows raised.

“Please continue. What version of me are you referring to?”

We’ve stopped in a parking lot somewhere, I don’t know where. But it’s well lit, and I can see Damian clearly now. He looks me over again. “The version of you with dark hair and glasses. The one who was just another student, not some …” He waves a hand at me.

I suck in a breath, getting angry again despite my earlier attempt at calm. “Some what?” I spit. “Some … slut? Some … spoiled rich girl? Some …”

His eyes widen in alarm and dismay. “No! No. God, no,” he interrupts before I can continue supplying endings for him. He shakes his head and takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes before putting them on again and looking at me, his face softer now, the anger leached away. “No, Charlie,” he continues softly. “None of those things. I’d never think any of that about you.” He looks away and takes a deep breath. “I meant some celebrity who’s miles out of my league.”

“Oh.” It’s the only response I can muster. And now Damian won’t look at me again. His words echo in the space between us, making me more aware than ever of the distance that separates us. Not just physically. For him, I’m no longer the girl he dated and fell for. I’m something—someone—else. Some other. Unknown and separate. Far outside the bounds of his experience.

Whereas I still feel like me. Just Charlie.

“I’m not really any different, you know. I’m the same person. I was never pretending.”

He looks at me again, blinks a few times, and clears his throat. “Really? You weren’t pretending to be a normal college student?”

I lift one shoulder and give him a sad half smile. “I like to think I was a normal college student. At least for a little while.”

Silence descends again, only this time it’s less awkward, less uncomfortable. At least for me.

Gabby clears her throat after a minute. “So, uh, it’s super fun being the third wheel here and all. But can we go somewhere? Back to the hotel or … I dunno. I’m tired of just driving in circles, though, and I don’t know how long you’re planning on hanging out with us, Damian. But I could drop you at the hotel and go find something to do, like go to a movie or something, so you guys can keep talking.”

Damian straightens, coming back to life. “Would you mind taking me back to campus? My car’s there, and I was about to go practice when … well, when I saw you and couldn’t walk away.” He glances at me, then meets Gabby’s eyes in the rearview mirror again. “I really need to practice, though.”

Turning away, I stare out the window, tilting my head back but trying not to make it obvious, hoping the tears will drain down my tear ducts instead of leaking down my face.

“Sure.” Gabby puts the car in drive and heads back to campus. No one says anything after that. I keep my face steadfastly turned toward the window, unable to bear looking at him after being soundly rejected.

Again.

I feel so stupid.

I thought I’d pushed him out of my mind enough that I was starting to get over him. Sure, the gamut of emotions I experienced with him fueled a lot of my songwriting experiments. Some of them even sound good. But I’d convinced myself that channeling my feelings wasn’t the same as being stuck in them still.

Now, seeing him again, having him chase after me …

Well, I thought maybe he’d had time to get over his hurt. At least enough to listen.

I’d hoped.

But no. He’s still as stuck as I am.

Even though he says he misses me, he still wants nothing to do with me. Not really.

“Stop here.” His voice cuts through the silence, and Gabby pulls over at a corner about a block away from the music building. “Thanks.” There’s a pause, and he takes a breath, but then the door opens and closes without another word from him.

Closing my eyes, I force myself to accept that he’s rejected me again. And I’m not going to let myself believe it’ll ever be any different. No matter how much I might wish it were.

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