Page 89 of Nobody in Particular

THIRTY-SIXDANNI

It’s never good to wake up to people whispering. At least, not when you’re expecting to wake up with your girlfriend lying next to you and the midmorning sun streaming in. Maybe, if you’re really lucky, the early afternoon sun. Thereissun, I register, while I’m only half awake. But then I go on to further register that the whispers sound a hell of a lot like dread, which freaks me out enough that I’ve already started bracing myself by the time I open my eyes.

Rose and Molly are sitting on the floor with their backs to Rose’s wardrobe, and they snap their heads up when they hear me grunt.

“What?” I ask, and my voice comes out all thin and croaky. Oh god, fuck me, my head ispounding. I clear my throat and try again. “What is it?”

Rose crawls to my side and takes one of my hands in hers. “Danni, I’m really sorry,” she says, and my heart stops. My first, horrified thought is that something’s happened to Mom. Or maybe Rachel. Behind her, Molly looks at the ground like she can’t handle seeing my reaction to whatever Rose is going to say next, which only freaks me out more. “Someone took a video of Harriet kissing you last night. The screenshots are everywhere.”

Oh.

Oh.

For a second, I consider grabbing for my phone so I can see for myself, but then I realize I don’t want to. I don’t want to see a picture of myself tasting Harriet’s mouth, trying to figure out how to get away from her without causing a scene. I don’t want to know what half the country has seen. I don’t want to hear what they think about it, or about me. I only want to sleep. This is a step further than I can handle.

I roll onto my side and hook one arm under my pillow, drawing the blankets up over my shoulders. Rose and Molly give each other worried looks, like they think I’m about to have a nervous breakdown or something, which is probably fair, because maybe I am.

Rose squeezes my hand. “What do you want to do?” she asks. “It’s your call.”

“What is theretodo?” I ask dully. It’s out now, isn’t it? And so, I guess, am I.

“You can still deny it,” Molly suggests.

Rose nods earnestly. “If you wanted to. You were drunk. You can just say you didn’t want to do it. It’s the truth anyway.”

“Or just say you were dared or something,” Molly adds. “I’ll back you up. Shit, I’ll say I’m the one who dared you, if you want.”

It’s just lying, isn’t it? That’s all I ever seem to do these days. Lie, and lie, and lie. And never because I actually want to. “I just… Jesus. I just wanted it to go away.”

The obvious answer is written all over their faces. It’s not gonna go away now. It never will. Last night happened, and rolling over in bed and pulling the blanket over my head won’t undo that.

Everyone’s watching me, whatever I do. Everyone’s listening.

“Does everybody hate me?” I ask in a small voice. I assume there’s already been some sort of reaction online. Comments, posts, articles, even. The thought of what they must be saying right now makes me want to climb into the core of the earth and hide there until it’s over.

Rose is soft. “No, no, nothing like that. People are curious, maybe. But everyone doesn’t hate you.”

But what does that mean, exactly? Just because society isn’t out for my blood today, that doesn’t mean shit when it comes to myfuture. A lot of people are probably just giving me the benefit of the doubt before calling for my public crucifixion.

And what will the palace think? It’s not like I kissed Rose on camera or anything, but the online rumor mill is still going to have a freaking field day with this.

“Whatever you want to do, I’m with you,” Rose says. “If anyone says a word to you, even aword,they have to face me. It’s you and me, okay?”

I look from her, to Molly on the floor, and then to the window.

“What should I do?” I ask.

Nobody replies.

There’s a knock on the door. We all jump, then Molly gets up and opens the door a crack. Eleanor peeks around it, then barges in with wide eyes. “Danni,” she says to me. “What is going on?”

“Eleanor, don’t make this worse,” Molly says, closing the door.

“Are you gay?” Eleanor asks. “Or were you just messing around with Harriet?”

“Okay, we need to have a discussion about tact,” Molly interrupts. “It’s clearly out of your grasp today.”

“I’m bi, okay?” I snap. The words are metallic on my tongue. I’m so freaking nauseous. I’m not sure if it’s the situation or the hangover. Probably both.

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