Page 65 of Nobody in Particular

She blinks fast in a way that tells me I hit a nerve. I guess it’s the first time I’ve given Molly any real opinion on their fight, other than listening to her and telling her I hear where she’s coming from. But that’s the thing. Idohear where she’s coming from. And what I’m hearing is, maybe she assigned one meaning to Rose’s behavior when the truth is something different altogether. If Molly doesn’t want to be Rose’s friend for fair reasons, then that’s fine. But if Molly just doesn’t understand what’s going on with Rose, then I can’t stay out of it. It’s Rose. If she needs me to have her back when she’s not here to stick up for herself, then that’s what’s going to happen. Every time. Over and over again, if I have to.

“There’s a difference,” I say, “between shutting people out, and shutting down.”

“Excuse me,” Molly says, taking a step backward.

My resolve shakes a little. “Are you mad at me?” I ask quickly.

She gives me a small smile. “No. I’ll be back soon.”

So, I watch her disappear into the crowd, and try to fight off the sinking feeling that I’ve seriously put my foot in it now.

TWENTY-EIGHTROSE

When Molly approaches me out of the blue while I’m mid-conversation with my cousin Sukey, I’m so startled to find her talking to me at all that I brace for the worst before she even speaks. I excuse myself from Sukey and walk several steps with her, ducking my head closer so she can say whatever she needs to say to me without causing a scene. And though I’m anticipating conflict, I never expect the following words to leave her mouth.

“Danni told me what went down with you two last month,” Molly says in a low voice, and my world stops. Keeping my breath under control, and glancing at the surrounding partygoers to quickly ascertain that we weren’t overheard, I grab her by the arm and steer her out of the gala, down the hall, and into the nearest sitting room. There, I close the door behind us and whirl around.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that, please?” I ask. “It was quite loud in there.”

Molly stands in the center of the room, atop a rug in the same shade of rich maroon as her dress, with her arms hugged tightly around her middle. “Danni told me what happened last month. With you two. I could tell something was off between the two of you, so I asked her. She told me everything.”

“Everything,” I repeat in a voice that’s rather more high-pitched than I mean it to be. “About…?”

“The lesbian stuff,” she says. “Or the bisexual stuff, she didn’t clarify that part. The… romantic feelings stuff. Whatever. Anyway, the important thing is that it’s obvious you’ve shut down on her, and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s hurting her. A lot. And the worst thing is, she’s convinced you’re upset for some reason.” She shakes her head. “Actually, she seems to think you mind so much you just can’t handle it. And Danni is a good person, so if she’s wrong, you need to let her down gently. But if she’s right, you need to figure out awayto handle it, because I’m not gonna let you shut her out like you did to me. She still has feelings for you, and you’re being cruel.”

There are myriad problems with everything Molly just said, but I triage and latch onto the most pressing point. “She… told you?” I ask, aghast.

“Yeah. I mean, I sort of dragged it out of her, she didn’t really want to, but it’s done now.”

“I can’t believe she told you,” I say, half to myself.

Molly ignores me. “So, be honest with me. Right now. Do youactuallycare?”

I flounder. “It’s none of your business,” I say. My head is spinning. How could Danni have told her? I trusted her. Deeply, in fact—more than I trust most people. More than I probably had any right to trust someone I’ve known for so little time. Why am I so shocked? What was it about Danni that had me so convinced she would never share something so private, so important?

“Danni’s my best friend, so if you hurt her, it’s my business. So: do you give a damn about her?”

Is Molly even the first person she’s told? What if she’s shared this with other people? I have no way of knowing. How could she do this? Howcouldshe?

“Rose?” Molly asks, a little too loudly, and I scrape my way to the surface of my swirling thoughts.

“Of course I do,” I snap. “I wouldn’t have been with her at all ifI didn’t care about her. Not to mention, I don’t know if she left this part out, butshebroke up withme.”

So if she’s sharing this around in some sort of ill-conceived revenge against me, it’s not even fair. I never wanted to break up. I all but begged her on my knees not to. No, I realize, she’s not doing this out of revenge. That’s not Danni. So, what, then? Did she simply forget the stakes?

“You wouldn’t have… what?” Molly asks. “She brokeupwith you?”

“Yes,” I repeat. “Shedid.”

Molly could not possibly look more bewildered if she tried. Her confusion catches at me and slows me down, a parachute against free fall. Why does she look like that? Is itthathard for her to believe Danni broke my heart, and not the other way around?

She narrows her eyes like she has incoming migraine. “Wait, I’m lost. Are you telling me therewassomething between… you and Danni?”

The world stops as the implications of her words hit me. I frantically replay our conversation, and realize my mistake too late. At no point did Molly specifically confirm she knew about our trysts. I keep my mouth shut for once, unwilling to implicate myself further.

Molly bicycles her hands while she speaks. “Danni told me that she had a one-sided crush on you, and you knew about it, andthat’swhy there’s been weirdness between you two.”

Ah. Well, that’s something I can much more imagine Danni saying. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been quite so quick to believe her apparent betrayal of me.

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