Page 106 of Nobody in Particular

She breathes out, long and hard. I guess she was terrified I was going to give a different answer. That she’d taken my family from me, too.

“I did this to you,” Harriet whispers.

I shrug.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she presses.

I give her the side-eye. “So, whatwereyou doing then? Why kiss me in public?”

Harriet’s round face turns pensive, and she runs a hand through her tangled hair. “I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.”

“Danni, I…” She lets out a breath. “Look. I’ve known I’m bi for a long time. Pretty much forever. I’ve always been kind of… a serial romantic. I’ve had more crushes than you’d believe. And so. Many. Times. It’s been on a girl who could never,everlike me back. And every single time, I had to make sure the girl never realized how I felt.And you’re… my type. I liked you as soon as I met you. I thought you were straight, but then youweren’t,and I… I think I misread your signals. I promise, I thought you wanted me to kiss you. I was just drunk and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m so sorry.”

“You could’ve justasked. You could’ve even just slowed down and given me a chance to step back. You kind of ambushed me, Harriet.”

“I should have,” she agrees simply. “I just… I’ve never done it before, and I know it’s not an excuse, but I guess I just… I don’t know. You know, I’m almost eighteen? I’m practically eighteen, and I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“I don’t think that’s uncommon.”

“Maybe, but it feels it. It feels like everyone knows what they’re doing except for me. I’m the only one who has no idea, so I messed up every part of it, and I hurt you when that’s the last thing I wanted.”

I’m really tired suddenly. “Harriet, just… next time, give them a chance to say no.”

“I will. I promise. I will.”

“Good luck with your parents. I’m sure they’ll come around. Eventually.”

Her smile is tight. Something tells me she doesn’t think I’m right.

“Can we still be friends?” she asks.

I think back to the taste of her. The feel of her face too close to mine. The twisting, repulsed sort of fear. My heart starts racing—both at the memory, and because of my answer. Because I hate conflict, and I hate hurting people, but I don’t deserve to be hurt, either.

“I don’t really think I want that,” I say. “Not right now.”

Harriet nods.

There. I said it. And I survived it, too.

“Do you hate me?” she asks.

“No,” I say honestly, and she nods again.

And for now, that’s that. I leave, and I don’t feel good, exactly. Mostly just sad, and anxious.

But at least I don’t feel regret.

FORTY-THREEROSE

Danni isn’t answering my texts, so I seek out Eleanor’s bedroom. Eleanor is just the person you want if you need someone to bounce ideas off, because she’s not particularly opinionated, but she is remarkably encouraging. When I arrive there, I find Molly already inside, which is all the better for me. If anyone has a vested interest in forming a plan to rescue Danni, it’s Molly.

“Danni told us what happened,” Molly says. She’s sitting in Eleanor’s desk chair, wearing her school uniform still. Eleanor’s already changed into jeans and a jumper.

“How are you doing?” Eleanor asks, sitting crossed-legged on her bed.

“Oh, wonderful,” I say, throwing myself on the floor to sit with my back to the mirrored wardrobe. “I have exciting news, actually. I’ve agreed to get engaged to Alfie.”

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