Page 80 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

Maya, to my delight, turns a lovely shade of maroon. “No,” she says, giving me a pointed look. “I’ve invented one, actually.”

I chuckle. “When?”

“Just now.” Maya fills her glass. “The game is Jordy-themed Never Have I Ever.” She looks around to make sure we’re suitably intrigued before continuing. “The rules are simple. When it’s your turn, you say ‘Man, did Jordy ever,’ and finish it with something Jordy did in your relationship. Like, man, did Jordy ever kiss me on the first date. That kind of thing. If you had the same experience, drink. If no one drinks, you get a point. The first person to five points wins.”

I think Maya might be a genius.

“What do they win?” Kim asks.

“I don’t know, bragging rights, I guess,” Maya says. “Knowing deep inside they’re Jordy’s special snowflake?”

“I’m in,” Kim says.

Perrie and Lauren agree, so we all fill our glasses while Maya sets up a scorecard on a notepad she finds in the kitchen.

I volunteer to kick us off. “Never—I mean, man, did Jordy ever… tell me he’s never felt like he could be vulnerable around someone before me.”

Perrie, Maya, Lauren, and Kim all drink, and then everyone but Kim giggles uncomfortably.

Oh my god, Maya figured it out.

She’s a genius, a beautiful, evil genius.

Kim looks defensive already. “Man, did Jordy ever… buy me a pair of white gold stud earrings for my nineteenth birthday and give them to me the day before because he couldn’t wait to see my face.”

Maya raises her eyebrows halfway to the ceiling and puts a dash next to Kim’s name. “Conveniently specific,” she mutters, and Perrie starts laughing hysterically until she falls onto her back and kicks her legs in the air like a stranded turtle. It’s her turn next, so we wait for her to collect herself.

“Um… boy did Jordy ever tell me I was the first girl to ever meet his parents,” she chokes out, breathless.

Well, shewashis first girlfriend. But, amazingly, Maya and Lauren both drink. “Ohshit!” Perrie says, and she takes a drink of her own for good measure. “That’s messed up. I promise, I met Alan and Phoebe.”

Maya, next. “Boy, did Jordy ever tell me I was beautiful ‘the same way a sunset’s beautiful.’”

I finish the last part of that sentence along with her. Everyone but Perrie drinks. Apparently, he invented that lineon Lauren and never looked back. We start to glance at each other and smile. Kim stays unamused, though. “So? It’s a nice thing to tell someone,” she says. “And he probably meant it for all of us. Youareall beautiful the way a sunset’s beautiful.”

“Kim!” Lauren cries, tackling her in a bear hug. “You are a gosh darn ray of sunshine.” She breaks from the hug and picks up her own glass. “Boy, did Jordy ever… take me to a lake and make me shout at the water because he wanted me to know ‘what it feels like to be alive.’”

Kim and I drink. Mine was a hill, but close enough.

“Specific, and yet.” Maya grins.

We’re back to me. Wonderful. I decide to take a chance on a gut feeling. “Boy, did Jordy ever call me to ask me to come on the show himself, and to tell me he didn’t want to be on the show if I wasn’t on it.”

There’s a shocked silence. Well, most people look shocked. Maya looks at me like she wants to kiss me again. I quirk an eyebrow at her, and she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and ducks her head.

Then, everyone takes a drink. And, one by one, they start laughing. Even Kim apparently sees the funny side now, squeezing her eyes shut and grinning into her glass.

“Did he con us to come on the show?” Lauren asks, shaking her head.

“No,” I say with a serious face. “I’m sure he truly believed, in the moment he was talking to each of us, that we were the most important girl in the world to him. He’s just easily distracted.”

Maya hums. “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit,” she says. “I think he knows exactly what he’s doing. He just forgot to account for the fact that he was locking us all up in a house together.”

“Well, I’m telling the cameras about this,” Lauren says. “He can’t get away with that. He’s playing dirty.”

“He’s not playing at all,” Maya says. “He’s not even in the game. It’s a guaranteed win for him.”

Kim, who’s stopped smiling, scans the room, then narrows her eyes. “Boy, did Jordy ever… tell me I’m the only girl here who’s not vapid.”

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