Page 33 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

“Yeah, but he’ll have the Canadian still. The really pretty one. Jordy’s got his eye on her.”

I’ve heard enough. I wrench myself away, tears pricking at my eyes, and my heart starts thudding against my chest like it’s trying to tear its way out so it can’t be hurt anymore. So,Skye is the pretty one that Jordy still has feelings for. I’m the ugly, leftover reject who’s being sent home first.

I don’t even freaking care that Jordy has chosen Skye over me again, but also Idostill care, and maybe it’s because I wanted my plan to work, and maybe it’s because I don’t want to be sent home first and have thousands of strangers think I’m unlovable. Or maybe it’s just that I’d finally been regaining my self-confidence before this show appeared, and being rejected again rips that confidence away from me and replaces it with generous goddamn helpings of self-doubt and hurt.

Fuck, thishurts.He wasn’t supposed to be able to hurt me anymore. I wasn’t supposed to let him. I don’t want to feel this sadness. Thisache.Aching is too hard to fix. It can’t be channeled. You just have to put up with it.

So, instead, I choose anger. Anger can be channeled, and relieved. Anger makes me stronger. Anger builds my defenses, so it doesn’t matter if a producer thinks I’m not pretty, or Jordy thinks I’m not worth his time, or the other girls think I’m in the wrong to be mad at Skye. Anger is power, and control.

And I know exactly what I want to do with it.

NINEMaya

I scan the garden like a hunter until I finally spot Isaac, speaking to Grayson under a glittering tree.

“Isaac,” I say, closing in on him.

Grayson backs away to give us space, and Isaac gives me a wary look. “Hi, Maya. What’s up?”

“Two things. One, I’m so sorry, but I’ve ruined your Phuket plans. You have to invest in Skye, but, who knows, she could win Jordy away from the others—she’s good at that. You might still go. I hope you take lots of pictures if you do. I’ll like them on Instagram, okay?”

He glances around us, and offers a perplexed smile. “What’s the second thing?”

“I wanna go on camera. Can I? Is that a thing we can do?”

He takes me by the arm and steers me to a garden bench to sit. “You…can,technically. But in the interests of maximizing Phuket, I’d like to know what you want to say.”

“I’m not gonna get you to Phuket, Isaac.”

“Well, let’s reserve judgment on that until Jordy’s made his announcement. Did something happen?”

The floor is starting to shift like my actual body is somehow zooming in and out. Is this a Jell-O shot thing? Or just ageneral alcohol thing? “Jordy’s actually not a good guy, Isaac. He acts like he is, but hereallyisn’t. And I’m not just saying that because he’s sending me home. Did you know he cheated on me?”

Isaac shakes his head. “Unless you mean tonight, which doesn’t technically count, because youdidagree to this.”

“No, I mean the two months he was seeing Skye while he was still my boyfriend.”

Isaac’s eyes widen. “Oh.” Then, they go even bigger as it seems to click. “Oh.”

“Yeah. And I am going to tell everybody. The whole world. They need toknow.And you can’t stop me.” I get unsteadily to my feet, then look back at Isaac. “Well, you probably can, I guess. But pleasedon’t.You’re not a feminist if you stop me. Ha. Got you there.”

“I’m not going to forbid you,” Isaac says. “But can I make a case fornotdoing that, first?”

“I will only ignore it.”

“That’s your right. Now, I hear you. Seems like Jordy’s scum. He deserves to be exposed, sure. But he’s attached to the royal family, and they have a lot of power over the media here. I don’t know all the details, but I can tell you that conversations happened behind the scenes before Jordy signed on to the show. There’s an editing agreement in place.”

“What’s an editing agreement?” I ask, sitting back down reluctantly.

“Essentially, they would’veabsolutelyagreed not to trash Jordy on the show. So, by all means, you can go ham on the confessional, but I’m sorry to tell you ninety percent of what you have to say won’t make it into the episode.”

“But…” I grapple for a reason to doubt him. “But it’s good TV.”

“Yeah. But they’ll get their asses sued. And knowing theroyal family, even if theydidair it, you’d end up with a defamation lawsuit in front of a bought-off judge. Nah. What theywilldo, Maya, is take what you say, chop it up, and reorder it so you sound like you’re a jealous, mean, petty ex-girlfriend out to destroy his life. And that’sgreatTV.”

I straighten. “Is that a threat?”

He places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m not threatening you; I amwarningyou. At my own risk, honestly, because Gwendolyn wouldmuchprefer you gave her plenty of villain material. She’d kill me for telling you this at all.”

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