Page 79 of If This Gets Out

“Thank you.” He groans. “Wow, okay. I’m in bed with a hot guy and all I can do is talk about my mom.”

“What would you rather be doing?”

“Not sure. But I think it’d be better if your shirt was off.”

I laugh, then pull it off and toss it away. I drop back down, sliding my hand back to the spot it was before, under his shirt.

“Better?” I ask.

He kisses me, his hand flat in the middle of my chest. He lies down, and I move across, so I’m on top of him, his legs over my hips. He’s still dressed, and I’m in jeans, but still.

I think I like being like this.

Ruben pauses. “Thanks for being so cool. I never thought I’d tell anyone what I just told you.”

“I’m so glad you did,” I say.

He touches my silver necklace, which is hanging down between us.

“And like, I get it, you know?” I say. “I know how horrible being used feels. I really want you to know it was never that for me, and I’m so sorry that Adonis guy treated you like that.”

“Mm-hmm. One very shitty example among, like,a million of them.”

“He was hot, though.”

“Oh, younoticed?”

“Definitely,” I say. “I didn’t know it at the time, but I was jealous.”

“You’re more my type. Plus, importantly, you’re not an asshole.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “Hey, do you remember the first time you met me?”

“It’s sort of hard to forget.”

I was running late for camp, and I burst into my cabin to unload my stuff before rushing to orientation. I accidentally burst in on Ruben, who had returned to his cabin in order to get his inhaler. He shrieked and then threw a pillow at me, and told me toneverdo that again. He later told me he freaked out because he’d watchedFriday the 13thjust before coming to camp.

“What was your first impression of me?” he asks.

I think back. I can actually still picture it so clearly. Me, rushing to my cabin, and then my blood going cold when I realized I’d just burst in on a boy I’d never met. Even at my first sight of him, I knew Ruben was someone I wanted to like me.

“I remember thinking you were special,” I say. “I knew right away you were going to be a big deal at camp, you just had that vibe.”

“That’s nice,” he says softly.

“Do you remember the first time you saw me?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“I remember thinking: how am I going to stay chill sharing a cabin with a guy this hot?”

I can barely contain my smile.

“And now?” I ask, kissing the spot below his ear.

“I think I handled myself okay.”

“Me, too.”

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