Page 61 of If This Gets Out

“No, what?”

“I used to think you werereallystraight.”

“So did I,” I say, laughing, too, now.

I lower him back to the ground and put my hands on the hem of his shirt in a question. He raises his arms so I can pull it off, my fingers scraping lightly against his skin.

I gently push him toward the bed.

He falls back, grinning. I fall, too, so now I’m on top of him, cupping his face, and I can feel that he’s obviously having as good a time as I am.

I need a second, so I move sideways, so I’m lying next to him. We’re both breathing heavily.

He’s gorgeous.

His bare chest is rising and falling rhythmically. It’s still a novelty for me to allow myself to stare, without pullingmy gaze away in embarrassment or distracting myself to fuel my denial. His chest is toned, and his skin looks so perfect, smooth, and tanned.

Ruben starts rubbing my arm with the back of his hand. It’s kinda scary, but I’m getting very close just from the contact and the kissing, and I think I should slow down but I don’t want to. I lean across and kiss him, trapping his arm between us.

“Have you done this before?” he asks.

His eyes are half-closed.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, have you ever…” He trails off, searching for the words. “… done… much with a guy?”

My cheeks start burning. “Oh. Nope. Is that a problem?”

“No, not at all. Just checking.”

I lie back down, and rest a hand behind my head. “Cool.”

“So… if we did anything else, it’d be totally new.”

My breathing gets shallow. I think I know what he’s getting at, and I know what’s happening. “Yeah.” My voice comes out thin and high-pitched, and I swallow.

“How would you feel about that?”

I barely manage to force the words out I’m so breathless. “Really, really good.”

“Good,” he whispers.

I unbutton my jeans with trembling fingers, trying and failing not to stare at Ruben as he slowly pulls off his own. Once we’re just in our underwear, we both pause. Somehow, this feels like the tipping point. We’ve never been fully naked around each other.

“What?” he asks. He seems almost self-conscious, which is weird, because he’s like, perfect.

“Nothing, you just look good.”

“Well.” He grins. “Thanks. So do you.” He pauses. “Seriously, are you sure you’re okay? I know this is new to you, so I don’t want to rush you…”

“You’re not rushing me. I’ve done stuff before, just not with a guy.”

“And how does it feel?”

“Not that different.”

His face falls.

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