Page 130 of If This Gets Out

I shake my head. “He said: ‘If you can’t give me anything more than “I want everyone to get along,” then I don’t think I can do this anymore.’”

“Well, if I can teach you anything, it’s that you should actually listen to people. Ruben is telling you exactly what he wants. It’s not that he’s done with you.”

It sinks in.

“He wants to know what you want,” she says. “So tell me: if you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

“I want to be with him,” I say. “And I want to work on this.”

I think I get it.

No, I know I do.

“I have an idea,” I say. “I think it’d work better face-to-face, though.”

I know it’s a long drive to the airport, so it’s a big ask.

She smiles. “I’ll grab my keys.”

I have a whole thing planned.

First, Mom drove me to Penny’s apartment. I texted the situation to her, and she was on board, so now I’ve got a brand-new haircut I can’t stop looking at. It’s short and textured, with the front pressing down over my forehead. Penny is calling it a modern spin on emo, and she’s pretty confident it’s going to start a trend. If Chorus let the public see it, that is. Maybe they’ll ask me to keep it hidden until it grows out.

After the haircut, Mom and I drove to the airport and we both got on the next flight to LA. Once we landed I picked up a bouquet of flowers from a gas station near the airport, and they’re now sitting in the back seat of the car Mom rented. Iignored the voice telling me he might not like them, and that he might think it’s weird. Even if he does, I want to do this.

So I’m doing it.

Ruben knows I’m coming over to talk things through, but he doesn’t know I’m coming over for this. I might be making a mistake, but at least it’smymistake. It’s a risk, sure, and I could fall flat on my ass in front of the guy I pretty much love, and I could’ve made Mom come all this way with me for no reason.

We reach Ruben’s house, and Mom parks. My instincts tell me to double check about this with her, to make sure this is okay, that it’s a good plan. But I’m sure about this. For better or worse, this is my idea, and I’m going to see it through.

“Wish me luck,” I say, as I grab the bouquet of flowers from the back seat.

It’s dark out, lit only by streetlights.

“You don’t need it. Just tell him you listened, it’s all he wants to hear.”

I step outside, and walk up to the front door. I ring the doorbell. My palms have gone really sweaty, slick against the plastic wrapping of the flowers. The door swings open, and I see it’s Veronica. She glances down at me, and for maybe the first time ever, I see her break into a tiny smile.

“Oh, Zach, hi,” she says. “Ruben didn’t tell me you were coming by, come in.”

Ruben appears at the end of the hallway. “It’s okay, Mom,” he says, sliding past her to stand in the doorway.

Crap. Crap crap crap.

He glances at the flowers as Veronica walks away, then back up at my face. “Holy shit, your hair.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

We go inside, and I offer him the flowers. He takes them, then brings them to his nose. “These are nice.”

“They’re from a gas station,” I say, then wince. “I wanted to get you something nicer, but everywhere else was closed.”

My palms are seriously sweating now.

“Right,” he says. “So, you wanted to talk things through?”

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