Page 62 of If This Gets Out

I press a kiss to the top of his shoulder. “Not like that. It just feels natural. How does it feel to you?”

“Ah, yeah, pretty sure I’m fine right now. I have Zach Knight in my bed. You know how many people would kill to be in my spot right now?”

“This bodes well for me.” I start kissing toward his neck. “Be careful, I might decide to play the field. What’s that Grindr thing everyone is always talking about?”

“Shut up,” he says, kissing me, his hand going lower down my chest. “Besides. I can think of a reason why you shouldn’t get Grindr.”

The world falls away.

I sit up and go into the bathroom. As I go inside, I see myself in the mirror. My hair is messy and my cheeks are flushed.

I just had sex with a guy.

I know it was just hands, but I’d say it still counts. Ruben comes in and presses himself up against my back. Then he spins me around and kisses me.

“I should go,” I say. “So nobody is suspicious.”

“No, stay.”

“I want to… I just…”

“I get it,” he says, bowing his head. “Go.”

I press a kiss to his lips, and then leave the bathroom to get dressed. I make sure I have my keys and wallet.

Then I leave the room, flush with joy.

Oh no.

Outside, down the hall, is Keegan, doing a routine sweep. Seriously,again? Somehow, I’ve managed to run into either him or Paulineeverytime I’ve snuck out of Ruben’s room. I’m starting to think it’s the universe playing some sort of cruel joke.

Keegan is staring at me.

I make my way back to my room as nonchalantly as possible.

“Ruben was showing me a… thing,” I say, as I reach my door.

“Again?” says Keegan in a voice that’s a little too casual to really be casual. “I’m surprised you two are functioning at all during the daytime.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice squeaky. It always betrays me. I shouldn’t have spoken. I should’ve just nodded, and left, and—

“This is, what, the third time Ruben’sshowed you somethingin his room at one a.m. in as many days? Don’t you all get up with the sun?”

I should ignore him, I should ignore him, “I—What do you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t mean a thing. Just that I don’t know where you kids get your endless energy from. The two of you have barely slept a wink lately. If you’re not in his room all hours of the night, he’s in yours.”

I stare at him, and he shrugs. “Bet you’re glad you’ve worked out whatever you were fighting over, at least?”

I shouldn’t be trusted with anything.

I’m just going to make this worse if I stick around, so I go into my room and close the door behind me.

Fuck. He knows. I just gave us away. And now he’s going to tell Geoff and everything is going to suck.

I flick my light off, and fall back onto my bed. Everything crashes down around me.

What have I done?

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