Page 83 of Only Mostly Devastated

To say I was surprised to hear that was an understatement. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Will could have seen it that way.

“But,” he went on, “I thought about how I’d feel if you acted like you didn’t know me, or danced with someone else or whatever. And then I got it.”

“Got what?”

I mean, I knew what, from the tone of his voice, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“That I was being a fucking asshole to you.”

We sat in silence. I didn’t want to say it was okay, because I didn’t know if itwastotally okay. Not yet. But it was nice to hear him acknowledge that. And also, I had a bit of thinking to do. I’d been upset because I wanted him to care about me more. But if he’d interpreted my behavior asmenot caring enough, even if I didn’t agree with what he did, still, maybe that was a little more forgivable. At least, it was better than him just totally disregarding my feelings.

Will broke the silence in a small voice. “Do you wanna come over after school sometime? As friends,” he added quickly.

I couldn’t stop the surprise from flashing across my face. After that reaction from his dad the last time, I’d assumed visits were blacklisted now. Anything that seemed to make people suspicious had to be off-limits with Will. I’d been working hard on accepting that, and not getting too close or assuming it’d change, and here he was pulling the rug out from under me. Why did he always manage to catch me off guard, no matter what I expected from him? “What about your parents?”

“We can keep the door open.”

I hesitated. “It seems like your dad might suspect something, though.”

“I know. But I miss hanging out with you, and I’d like to see you more.”

I thought about it. “How about you come over to mine sometime? I’m only five minutes away from school.”

Will gave me a huge smile that warmed my stomach. “Okay.”

I made as if to start playing, but he spoke again. He was lucky he was cute, or I’d have to kick him out for distracting me when I had a deadline. “Hey, also, uh, are you busy Friday? We’re playing the regionals round.”

Right, becausethat’show I wanted to spend a Friday night—watching guys throw balls at each other’s heads and congratulating each other on their excellence and athletic prowess when they managed to throw the ball injustthe right way. Thrilling. “I can’t, sorry. I have this gig with Absolution on Friday.”

His face fell so suddenly I kind of felt guilty. I hadn’t realized he actually cared about having me there. But I wasn’t lying—Ididhave a gig. And it wasn’t exactly optional attendance. Anyone who didn’t think bass was important hadn’t tried listening to a punk song withoutit. Picture a chocolate sundae without any sauce, or a movie without any extras in the background. It’d work, technically, but the overall experience would lack a certain oomph.

“Oh. That’s fine. I hope it goes well.”

“I’d like it if you could come to the show, though. Maybe after the game?”

He could’ve thrown a tantrum about me missing the basketball game. Told me he was too busy with his own life to come to something that was important to me, just like I was too busy to go to his. But, like he always did, Will nodded immediately and said, “Of course.”

Then he went back to studying.

“How come you’re not in the library?” I asked suddenly.

“What?”

“It’d be easier to study in there, wouldn’t it? Quieter?”

He hesitated. “Is this you hinting you want me to go?”

“No, I swear. I’m honestly just curious.”

“Oh. I don’t know, I just like spending time with you.”

“But why do we always do what I want to do? You could ask me to go to the library with you, you know.”

Will gave me a funny, questioning smile. “I don’t mind?”

But that was the thing. He didn’t mind. He never minded.

Over the summer, Will had eagerly sat with me while I introduced him to all the bands I liked, without giving the bands he listened to the time of day. He’d taken up Music Appreciation, a subject he was never going to naturally excel in, because he wanted to see me without the judging eyes of his friends. When I’d escaped from the cafeteria to practice, Will followed me there, happy to sit by while I did my thing, even though there were probably a dozen ways he’d rather be spending his lunch.

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