Page 69 of Only Mostly Devastated

“It’s true, Will!I wouldneverdo something I knew would hurt you. Not to save myself from embarrassment, or to throw people off my tracks, oranything.I just wanted that from you.”

“I didn’t—”

“I just wanted you to care,”I cried. My throat felt clogged up, and I knew I’d start crying any second now, so I chose anger. Better than sadness. And hurt. “But you didn’t, and you don’t. So, get thefuckout of my car and leave me alone.”

He paused for a while, and I shoved my key in the ignition. “I said get out of my car. I need to go babysit the kids. I’m already late.”

He nodded. Silently, blinking, he climbed out of my car and walked across the parking lot with his arms still folded tightly across his chest. A junior accidentally stopped in front of him, and Will shoved his way past with way more force than he needed to, lowering his head as he went.

And so, Will and I commenced operation: silent treatment.

It was hard to say who was ignoring who, because we both put our best effort into pretending we had no idea who the other was. No texts, no eye contact, no speaking in class. It was too late for him to move desks in Music Appreciation, but he pettily started sitting as far to one side of it as he could, with his back turned at a slight angle so he didn’t even have to see me in his peripheral vision.

It wasn’t so bad during lunch, at least, as Darnell suddenly didn’t seem to want anything to do with Niamh, so the basketball guys kept to their own table. Which sucked for Niamh, but it was hard to feeltoosorry for her, because I was too relieved I didn’t have to field awkward silences from Will when all I wanted to do was eat a chicken panini in peace.

When Juliette had come back to school, high on life after nailing her audition at the Conservatory, she’d said it was like walking into the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust. “How didall three of youget intothismuch drama in the two days I was off school?” she’d asked when we finished filling her in during homeroom.

But we adjusted to the absence of the guys quickly enough, and after a couple of weeks we’d settled into a new vibe. A we-don’t-need-any-men (except Ollie, he’s all right) vibe. And everything was fine. You know, not epically great or anything, but fine. Right up until the day Juliette started sobbing into her cheeseburger at lunch, plumb out of nowhere.

Lara looked mildly alarmed at the sudden display of emotion, and Niamh and I sprang into action right away.

“Oh my God, what’s wrong, honey?”

“Hey, what’s up? You all good? Nah, you’re not all good; why’d I even ask that? Whathappened?”

Juliette buried her face in her hands and gave a frustrated, sobby groan. “I didn’t want to talk about this. I thought I wasfine.”

“Yeah, fine as a man who’s been gently corrected on the internet,” Lara said, crossing one leg over the other.

Juliette peeked through her fingers. “I got a rejection letter yesterday.”

I blanched. “From the Conservatory?”

She nodded.

“Oh no. Shit.”

“I thought you said the audition went well?” Niamh asked.

“I thought itdid! It was the best I’d ever played. The best I’d ever played, and it still wasn’t good enough.” With that, she broke down in tears again, and I shuffled my chair around so I could awkwardly pat her back.

“Those schools aresoselective,” I said. “Honestly, Valentina probably could’ve gotten rejected from half of them.”

“She wouldnot.She could get in anywhere because she’s amazing, and Isuck, and I’m going to bestuck here.”

“Did you apply to any other schools?” Niamh asked quietly.

Juliette shrugged at the table. “I applied to Juilliard, but I didn’t even get an audition. And also NC State.”

“I didn’t know they had a good music program,” I said.

“They don’t. It was supposed to be my backup school. Like, worst-case scenario. But I didn’t… think that would actually happen.”

I was crushed on her behalf. It didn’t make any sense to me. Juliettelovedthe clarinet, and she wassotalentedand passionate and dedicated. How could it be over? Just like that?

Lara suddenly looked taken aback, but not in regards to Juliette. She was looking at something behind me. I turned around just in time to see Renee swoop in like a witch without a broom, brandishing a phone instead of a wand inches from my head. “Lara, seriously, enough.”

Juliette, Niamh, and I exchanged wary glances, while Lara stuck out her bottom lip to plead ignorance. “Enough what?”

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