Page 56 of Only Mostly Devastated

“And they have strong ties in New York,” Niamh went on, “so they said I might get a casting up there sometime.”

“Niamh, that’s amazing,” I said.

Niamh was mostly looking at Lara, though. I’d thought that bad blood was behind them, but apparently not quite yet. If Niamh was looking for an apology, though, I wasn’t sure if she’d get one. “Also,” she said, “I’ve decided I’m not going to diet for it.”

Lara met her eyes now. I mean, she wasn’t dumb. She got the point. But she just waited for Niamh to go on.

“I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t really know how to bring it up, but I found out a little while ago I have polycystic ovary syndrome,” Niamh said. “I was getting really sick, and I wasn’t losing weight even when I was exercising a ton, so I ate a lot less, and it made me really exhausted. And PCOS can make you feel exhausted to begin with, so I was making the problem worse by over-dieting.”

“Oh, Niamh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Juliette said. “How did you know? Like, did you get tested because you couldn’t lose weight?”

“No. I got tested because I kept skipping… periods.” She lowered her voice, and her eyes flashed toward me asshe said it. Her mouth twisted, and I realized she was embarrassed to talk about this with me there. I wasn’t sure if I should be looking away like I hadn’t heard, or something, but I decided that’d be significantly weirder and settled for nodding. “Like, I’d get it one month, then the next few it’d disappear. And obviously I couldn’t be pregnant. But Mom has it, too, so she had a hunch. Turns out she was right.”

“So, what does that mean?” I asked. “Is it… like, is it bad?”

What I meant to ask was, can it kill you? But I felt like that wasn’t the most tactful question.

“Well, it’s not amazing. Like it could affect my fertility, and it’s going to be something I’ll have for life. But I’ve seen my mom handle it, and it’s manageable with medication and a healthy lifestyle. Which, I might add, is why I’m not going to crash diet anymore. I figure I used to focus on the wrong thing. I was so desperate to lose weight, and it was like fighting a losing battle. But now my goal is to exercise for strength, and eat the right things so I don’t feel so tired and grumpy all the time. I’m already at a higher risk of diabetes and heart issues now that I have this, so I can’t afford to cut out whole food groups just so I might lose a pound or two. I do know losing weight can potentially help with some of the symptoms, but it’s much harder for people with PCOS. I’m working with my doctor on that, though, so I don’t need anyone else monitoring me or commenting on what I do and don’t eat.”

It was officially the longest speech I’d ever heard Niamh give. By the end of it she looked triumphant, if a little nervous. Finally, she added uncertainly, “Health is more important, okay?”

Lara was utterly engrossed in her mac and cheese. Whenshe finally looked up, she had to face Juliette, Niamh, and me all giving her expectant stares. She rolled her eyes, but I didn’t miss the shame that flashed across her face at first. “Yeah, I agree with you,” she said to Niamh. “Good call.”

Well, it was as much of a win as Niamh was ever likely to get from Lara. In any case, it was the closest I’d ever heard Lara come to admitting she was wrong. It came just in time, too, because the basketball guys arrived seconds later to pull extra chairs over and crowd our table. Let it never be said that the basketball guys weren’t excellent wingmen. They were obviously hanging around like fruit flies so Darnell could see Niamh.

The group of them were laughing about something, though, and for once Darnell’s attention wasn’t on Niamh. He was zeroed right in on Will. So was Matt, actually. As they took their seats and lined up their lunch trays, the rest of the guys gravitated in to hear the conversation, with Will in the center of it all.

“So, is there something going on there again?” Matt asked Will, his voice all gooey and teasing.

“What do you mean?” Juliette asked before I had to.

Will’s face made it immediately obvious he’d been keeping something from me. He looked like a rabbit who’d been unceremoniously teleported out of his burrow and dumped before a fox. Caught off guard and full of dread.

Guess I was the fox.

Matt, totally oblivious to Will’s tension, cracked open a can of Coke. “He’s going to the dance with Jessica,” he said in a teasing, singsong way.

Well, if that wasn’t the worst song I’d ever heard.

I didn’t mean to look at Will with quite the level of despair that I think ended up on my face, but there was onlyso much self-control a guy could have when slapped with that kind of news. Will visibly winced when he met my eyes, and he covered up the movement by bending over his tray and shoving mac and cheese in his mouth. “Werr jush frensh,” he said around a full mouth, before launching into a coughing fit.

“Mmm, but does she know that?” Darnell asked.

Funnily enough, that was just what I wanted to know. Well, that, and who the hell did Will think he was to keep this from me?

Did I not deserve to hear that from him?

Wasn’t that my right?

Well, actually, that was kind of a good question. The problem with not labeling something was that what you could and couldn’t expect was kind of gray. Was it unreasonable of me to expect Will to let me know if he was going to a dance with someone else? Or even, maybe, to ask if I was okay with that? Or did he owe me nothing, because he wasn’t my boyfriend?

That didn’t feel good.

“If she doesn’t know it, she’s gonna get a rude shock,” Will said.

Darnell cackled. “Listen to this heartbreaker.”

Will raised an eyebrow. “I’m just saying, you don’t pass up your chance at all this and then get to change your mind later.”

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