Page 80 of Only Mostly Devastated

Guess the music that flowed through its veins was a funeral march.

I almost laughed at my astonishing wit, but then I started thinking about the music at Aunt Linda’s funeral, and the laugh slipped away.

There was movement at the side of the room, and I looked over to find Will entering. I hadn’t seen him much since the night I’d driven to his house. He gave me an unsure smile. “Hey. Can I come sit with you?”

I patted the floor next to me. “Come in.”

He lowered himself to the ground and crossed his legs like a kindergartener. “How are you doing?”

He meant well, but holyhelldid I not want to talk about it. I’d spent so much time speaking about the death, and how terrible I felt, and how pointless all this bullshit was. At home I felt like I couldn’t talk about much else. But I had nothing new to say. Repeating myself wasn’t helping anymore. For once, just for once, I wanted to talk about something meaningless.

“Hey Will?” I said instead. “Do you think ants have hearts?”

He studied me for a long time. “I… haven’t ever thought about it.”

“Well, it’s just the poster there talks about ant veins, and veins usually bring blood to hearts, right?”

He looked where I pointed. “That is a really depressing picture.”

“Right?Oh my God, it’s not just me. I think it’s the most unmotivating motivational poster I’ve ever seen.”

“You could say it’s an uninspirational poster. Also, whyants? If we’re going from smallest to largest, you can go way smaller than ants. What about ticks? Or bacteria?”

“Bacteria don’t have veins, I guess.”

“Honestly, Ollie, I don’t think ants do, either. I really don’t.”

I couldn’t help but start to smile at that. “Oh no, I think you’re right.”

“Do they?Now I don’t even know. Hold on, I’m googling this shit.”

I giggled and put my guitar on the ground next to me, then leaned over to look at Will’s phone. He opened an article and scrolled down the page. “And it’s a no,” he said. “No veins. No blood.”

“Hey, no, they have blood.”

“Yeah, colorless weird fluid. Not the same thing.”

“You can’t go around erasing insect blood because it isn’t the same as yours.”

“Watch me.”

I tipped my head to one side and fiddled with my necklace, a grin still lingering on my lips. Even though I felt a little guilty for laughing, it felt good. So, so good. “Did you come here to check on me?”

“Eh, yes and no. I figured you probably wanted some space, so I wouldn’t have usually come by, but I actually wanted your advice on something.”

Interesting. “Yeah?”

“So, Lara’s always seemed at least a little into Matt. But then apparently she was into Renee. So I’m wondering what’s going on there?”

I mean, it wasn’t exactly what I’d expected. I stuck out my bottom lip and thought about the best response. Lara had told me she liked Matt in confidence, so I didn’t want to give that up. But maybe I could still play Cupid.

Before I could speak, though, Will groaned. “God, I’m such an idiot. Sorry, you must think I’m being ridiculous right now. You have bigger shit going on than who Lara likes.”

Well, kind of. But it was such a nice distraction from all the bigger shit. “No, seriously, it’s fine. She was into Renee, but I’m pretty sure that’s all over. Why do you ask?”

“Because Matt thinks she’s a lesbian.”

Oh.“Nope. She’s bi.”

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