Page 73 of Only Mostly Devastated

I am not!

Well, maybe.

But does it matter if I am? So what? We’re seventeen, it’s not like we’re going to marry the people we date right now. I’m just having fun.

Plus, he’s hot.

Monday, 3:09 PM

I mean, yeah. He’s totally hot. Especially when he wasthrowing down with that Charlotte girl.

Monday, 3:09 PM

Hands off!! Do you think I should go for it?

Monday, 3:09 PM

Will it make you happy?

Monday, 3:10 PM

I don’t know, Ollie, I’m not a damn psychic! But it might.

I couldn’t help but laugh at this. What a way to go through life. Trying out crazy things on the off chance that they might make you happy. It totally went against my personal philosophy of overanalyzing everything and only taking risks when there was a 5 percent or less chance of failure. But maybe Lara’s take had merit. I messaged her back while hopping out of the car.

Monday, 3:10 PM

Good enough for me. Hell yeah you should go for it. Have as much fun as you can until it’s not fun anymore. And if that never happens, even better.

Monday, 3:11 PM

Hah. I always have as much fun as I can. What’s the point otherwise?

I cracked a grin at her reply as I pushed open the front door with my hip, my backpack sliding down my shoulder. I jumped to correct it, steadied myself, and paused to find my parents sitting in the living room.

They both should’ve been at work.

I let my backpack slip all the way down my arm, and I dropped it on the floor by the door. I wanted to walk right back outside, climb into my car, and drive back in time. Because I knew with horrible certainty that I wasn’t ready for whatever my parents were going to say next.

But I had to go into the room. I shuffled to the couch and sat down heavily.

Silence.

I spoke first, because my parents kept looking at each other to check who should break it to me. Like I needed anything broken to me. Like I still didn’t know what was coming.

“When did it happen?” I asked.

Amazingly, they looked relieved. At least neither of them had to say it out loud, I guess.

“Around lunchtime,” Dad said.

Oh. Lunchtime. She’d been dead for several hours. And I hadn’t even noticed the cataclysmic shift. I would’ve thought I’d notice. Somehow.

“She had a pulmonary embolism. Really, we’re lucky it happened like this,” Mom said in a tight voice. “It, ah, it was fast. And, we, um, we were told her condition was going downhill. And that she would be in a lot of pain, soon. Alotof pain, Ollie. And she didn’t want to be in pain like that. No one does. That’s no way to spend the last few weeks you ever get. And she got to spend her last few weeks with us, walking around, eating, laughing.”

I stared at the ground.

“A lot of people in her situation end up with a blocked intestine. All they can do in their last weeks is lie in bed and wet their lips. That’s such a horrible way to go. We’re so lucky Linda didn’t have to go through that, sweetie.”

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