Page 72 of Only Mostly Devastated

Darnell must have noticed the admiring look Niamh was giving Matt, because he jumped in with, “Yeah, me, too. Who cares if you’re into girls? The world keeps spinning, you know?”

My attention went straight to Will at this, and I searched his face for any sign that he was surprised by his friend’s words. But today he was unreadable.

And just for a moment, I hated him a little. Because, I guess, after all this, a teeny part of me still hoped he would magically realize he didn’t have to be terrified of what would happen if his friends figured things out. Then, ideally, he’d understand how much he’d hurt me, with the whole thing culminating in some sort of grand gesture to prove he truly did care all along.

But that was just a fantasy. A nice fantasy, sure, but no more real than a million other fairy tales.

God, what I wouldn’t give to live in a fairy tale, sometimes. Or even just a romantic comedy. In them, this wouldn’t fly. Like, imagine if Prince Charming had pickedup the glass slipper and decided the city was too big to scour it for someone who fit the damn thing? Or if Prince Phillip saw Maleficent blowing fire all over the forest and went nope, fuck that, too risky? Or if Prince Eric was all like, “Hmm, Icouldfight the giant octopus sea witch from my nightmares, but then I couldalsosail home and return to eating fish I now know are sentient, safe in my denial andcognitive goddamn dissonance!”?

But they wouldn’t, theywouldn’thave done any of that, because in stories guys fight. They fight for the person they care about, and they don’t give up, ever.

In real life, though, sometimes you beg for them to care, and they just don’t. And then they go quiet.

And they let you walk away without much of a fight at all.

Two weeks after the Renee disaster—debacle—devastation… whatever-you-wanted-to-call-it, Lara had apparently decided she was ready to move on.

Part of me would’ve called it quick, but then I was still moping around after Will like he was my prophesized, meant-to-be true love and not just a summer fling that wasn’t evergreen, so maybe I had no grasp on how long it was supposed to take to move on after heartbreak.

How did I know she was ready to move on? Two things. One, that she was suddenly, inexplicably flirting with Matt at lunch on the odd occasion when the basketball guys visited the table, dragged over by Darnell who always seemed to have one question or another hehadto ask Niamh. And when I say Lara was flirting, I don’t mean the natural banter that had caused Will and me to give birth toLarmatt.I mean licking her spoon like she was a RedTubestar, burning holes into his pecs with her stare and grabbing his arm every time she spoke to him as though to trap him into conversation.

Even more bizarrely, Matt seemed suddenly, inexplicablyuninterestedin Lara’s flirting. He barely held eye contact with her, kept giving her tight, short smiles, and only spoke to her to answer her many, many questions.

So, basically, it looked to me like Lara’s interest was fueled by Matt’s disinterest, which was fueled by Lara’s interest.

And I thought Will and I were messy.

The second thing was more straightforward. Later that same day, I was pulling in to my house after school—for once, I didn’t have to go to Aunt Linda’s. She’d been emergency free for a little while now, knock on wood, and so the night was going to be me, Netflix, and a whole bag of mini Reese’s Pieces. Anyway, I’d just turned off the ignition, when Lara messaged me.

Monday, 3:04 PM

Can I tell you something?

Lara never messaged me. Not outside of Snapchat, which barely counted. This was totally out of the blue, without any initiation from me. So sure, I was intrigued. I put my car into park and messaged her back.

Monday, 3:06 PM

Shoot.

Before I could even pull my keys out of the ignition, she replied. Guessing she’d typed it out before I’d had the chance to text back.

Monday, 3:06 PM

I’m kind of over Renee. It doesn’t hurt like it did, at least. Also, can you keep a secret?

Monday, 3:07 PM

What?

Monday, 3:07 PM

It’s seriously a secret. But I don’t know, I was thinking about Matt after our talk at the dance…

Monday, 3:08 PM

Oh my God, you’re rebounding.

Monday, 3:08 PM

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