Page 13 of Paging Dr. Summers

She rested her head on the couch and sighed. “I guess so. The good news is I likedancingby myself.” She perked back up. “But I don’t think you do, so give me more details about your date with Brooke.”

“It wasn’t a date. And I’m doing fine on my own,” I snapped.

“No, you’re not,” she said, concerned. “I’m worried about you. Mom is too. She says hi, by the way, and she and Victor are hoping to visit sometime next month.” Victor was our stepdad. Eden and I boththought he was great, and we respected him. He and Mom were always going on adventures. They were currently in Portugal.

“What are you telling Mom?” I sounded like I was ten and she’d tattled on me, which she loved to do when we were younger.

“Just the truth—that you’re not yourself. I miss my goofy big brother.”

It was hard to stay upset when she said things like that. “I miss him too,” I admitted. “But dating Brooke, or anyone for that matter, won’t bring him back. It’s going to take some time. Okay?” I said as gently as I could. I truly appreciated her love and concern.

“While I understand that,” she said carefully, “maybe, just maybe, you could entertain the thought that it was no coincidence that some ridiculously gorgeous creature moved in next door.”

She wasn’t wrong about Brooke being ridiculously gorgeous. “Or it’s just that—a coincidence. Besides, I had a candid conversation last night with Brooke, and she knows that I’m not interested in dating anyone.”

Eden wrinkled her nose. “You told her that?”

“Actually, she said it for me and then asked me to tell her about Erica. It was nice, and I appreciated her listening to me.”

Eden rolled her eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way—you know how much I loved Erica. We all did. But when you talk about her now, you make her sound like, well ... like she could walk on water. Please tell me you didn’t do that last night.”

“What do you mean?”

“Only that I think ...” She hesitated for a moment, and her eyes cautiously stared at me as if I had a “Fragile” sticker stamped on my forehead.

“I’m not fragile.” I said the words out loud, as if I needed to remind myself of that fact. Why wasn’t it okay for a man to be brokenhearted? Sometimes, I felt like society expected me to move on quickly.

“I never said you were,” Eden said, gently. “I just think that you’ve romanticized your relationship with Erica.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Not one to back down, Eden steeled herself. “I know this is hard for you to hear, but the way you reminisce about Erica now onlyhighlights her good attributes, which she had many of,” Eden was quick to say. “And I can even understand why you want to do that. It’s noble to want to remember only the good now that she’s gone. But I know at times she drove you crazy. She always had to have things her way. And ...” Eden swallowed hard. “It seemed to me that it was okay for her to change her mind about things, but she didn’t afford you the same luxury. She seemed to get her way most of the time.”

I made to disagree, but I couldn’t. There was some truth to what Eden was saying. I hadn’t been exactly honest the night before when I’d told Brooke that Erica and I had never disagreed about anything. But it wasn’t just anything we disagreed about. And it definitely wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with a stranger—or anyone, for that matter. Especially given the fight Erica and I had right before she’d left on her trip. She’d died before we resolved it.

Our last words were angry words. I shuddered, recalling the cruel barbs we’d lobbed at each other. Every day, I wished I would have told her one more time that I loved her. I had to live with that regret now.

“She just knew what she wanted and went for it,” I defended my wife.

“What about what you wanted?”

“I wanted Erica.” I downed a large gulp of the protein shake.

“What about kids?”

I set the shake on the counter, staring incredulously at Eden, wondering how she knew. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Eden and I were not only siblings but the best of friends.

“Erica wasn’t ready,” I admitted.

Unfortunately, I had been more than ready. Erica had asked me to give her five years when we got married. I’d happily agreed to, understanding her need for adventure and her desire to accomplish her career goals. But as we’d approached five years, she said she’d changed her mind about children, at least for the time being.

It was a colossal blow to me. I’d always wanted to be a dad. To me, that seemed like the ultimate adventure, and I couldn’t wait to embark on it with Erica. And it wasn’t like we were getting any younger. I feared we were missing our window.

But the real reason I was upset was because she’d told me she hadn’t exactly been honest with me about having kids when we got married. She’d hoped she would change her mind over time. The crazy thing was, she could have been honest with me from the beginning, and I still would have chosen her. I said as much. But I also said some other things. Things I had to live with.

“I’m sure that was hard for you,” Eden said emphatically. She’d wanted more children, but Luca was happy with one.

I shrugged, feeling as if anything I said would betray Erica. It wasn’t something else I wanted on my conscience.

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