Page 37 of Callista and the Elf

I sank to the floor and leaned my back against the wall, pulling my knees up close to my chest. “The lute player reminded me of my father.”

The king came closer and sat on the ground in front of me. “What happened?”

I hugged my knees. “There was some kind of accident. He fell, and hit his head wrong, probably on a rock. Motab—my mother—was with me at home. She grabbed her chest and ran to him.”

I relaxed my arms enough that I could lean forward and rest my chin on my knees. “When she came home, she told me he had left this world. I asked if she would also,because their hearts were tied together with a fae marriage bond.”

I swallowed, grateful for the dark that enveloped us. I couldn’t stand to look into his bright green eyes right now, not when he would see all the pain that had come from losing someone who could never be replaced. “She said she would not die until Alastor and I both reached adulthood. She had channeled all her magic and wrapped it up in her heart in a way that sealed the hole left by Fotab—my father.”

I blew out a shaky breath and clutched my legs. “It wasn’t permanent. She started aging like a human, but she said it would work like a patch for another ten or fifteen years. I was nearly an adult and Alastor is only ten years younger than me. I worried a lot about it actually working, especially when her hair turned gray and she grew wrinkles so quickly, but she told us her heart would hold. And I could see her magic entirely focused around her heart, so I thought we would have those ten or fifteen years.”

I swallowed again. I didn’t have the strength to be angry right now, but the king knew the rest. “We had two years,” I added, “before she disappeared.”

The king didn’t move. “I was a fool,” he whispered. “And I wish, more than anything, that I could fix it.”

And for the first time in a week, I believed him.

Chapter 14: Aedan

We sat in silence for a short time before Koan came looking for Callista. His eyes widened when he saw me, but she went back to the theater with him, and I did not see her for the rest of the performance.

Was it wrong to wish she’d come back out? To wish we could have spoken longer? To wish that she might come to see me as someone besides the monster who killed her family?

I did not sleep, but I was careful not to hit any walls or desks as I considered my life. I wanted my people to see me as honorable and protective, but more than that I wanted her to. I wanted her to think well of me, and that meant… I also wanted her to consider me kind.

And I wanted to control my fears. I’d spent the better part of my life controlling my anger, but she had been right. I did let my fears dictate my actions. And that needed to stop.

But in order to fear less, I needed to understand more.

And to understand more, I had to offer something.

With that purpose, I sat down at my desk and started writing.

Chapter 15: Callista

My eyes hurt with the lingering pain of having cried myself to sleep last night. I had only managed a few hours of sleep, but my mind was already busy enough that I would not be getting any more. I focused on the window. Pale blues filtered in—sunrise would break soon, and the kitchen would send food. I pushed myself to get dressed, to set down the blanket and slip into a simple gown.

It was easier to walk away from my blanket than it had been yesterday. Was it because I’d done it once already? Would leaving my room be easier today also? Speaking to others? Smiling?

After I buttoned the front of my dress, I walked around the bed and saw a sheet of folded parchment next to the door that led to the king’s room. I hadn’t left anything there. Had he slid it under the door?

I opened it and forgot all my small thoughts about clothes and blankets.

Dear Callista,

You accused me of being unkind. Of not understanding and of basing my actions in fear.

Of being a monster.

And you are right.

You once called me an honorable monster, but the things I have done are not honorable. I tried to justify my behavior, but those rationalizations were excuses for my fears.

I would like to submit myself to you for punishment. As you said once before, you were the person wronged, and so you should get to decide the justice to balance the injury I gave you.

Humbly,

Aedan

---