Page 64 of You Were Never Not Mine

Only at night do I think of him. When I’m alone in my little bed, remembering what it was like to share this space with August. I was sprawled across his hot body and he touched me almost reverently. How he kissed me. What he said to me. I should feel regret for what I said to trigger him into leaving, but then again, I don’t. I still stand by my feelings about us staying away from each other. It’s best. He’s terrifying. What we do together is terrifying. And how he makes me feel?

Is the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I’m currently in the library at this very moment, trying to write an essay for my ethics class while Elise is studying for her physical anthropology test. She’s trying to memorize various animals just by identifying them with a photo and her constantmurmurings of “ring-tailed lemur” and “Bengal slow loris” is driving me crazy.

“I am so sick of this.” Elise slams her laptop shut, echoing my mental sentiments. “If I don’t know what these animals are by now, I’m hopeless.”

“You’ve been studying a lot,” I agree, wishing I could give up on my paper. “When is the test again?”

“Tomorrow morning. My brain is fried. I’m going to grab something to eat and go back to our room. You coming with?” Elise shoves her laptop in her backpack and zips it closed before she stands.

“I wish I could but I need to finish this paper.” I glare at my laptop screen, hating how I’m barely halfway finished, and that’s probably a generous description. More like only a third finished if I’m being real. “It’s due at midnight.”

“You’ve got time, and you always manage to bang those out.” Elise offers me a little smile. “You sure you don’t want to take a dinner break with me?”

Dinner breaks with Elise are my favorite. We gossip the entire time, which usually consists of her telling me what guy she’s with now and sharing all the intimate details while I ask her endless questions. It never feels one-sided though. She tries to get information out of me and I always change the subject. I’ve never been that comfortable sharing personal details with people. I’m always afraid they’re going to be used against me.

“I would love to but I want to finish this paper now so I’m not writing it at eleven-forty-five tonight.” A sigh leaves me and I slump in my chair. “Wish me luck?”

“You know it.” Elise smiles and offers a cheerful wave. “See ya!”

Once she’s gone, I get serious, putting my AirPods in and typing away. I’m in the zone, the paper coming easily and an hour goes by. I’m nearly finished when I swear that I can feel someone watching me.

Pausing the music, I glance around but see nothing. I’m pretty deep into the library, not too far from the study rooms at the back of the building, and not that many people come here. Most everyone stays near the front, where all the action is. I like to sit in the front too, but not when I’m dealing with too much homework.

I turn the music back on and finish the paper, then save it and close my laptop. I’ll grab something to eat before I head back to our dorm room, and after I take a shower, I’ll look over the paper one last time before I turn it in. I’m pulling my AirPods out of my ears when I hear someone say my name.

A male someone.

Bracing myself, I glance over my shoulder to find August standing in the middle of the aisle closest to my table, his gaze searing into mine. God, he looks amazing. There’s a bit of scruff on his face, like he hasn’t shaved, which isn’t normal but such a good look for him. His hair is swept back from his gorgeous face and his normally full lips are pulled into a straight line.

Like he’s annoyed to see me.

I jerk my head, facing forward again, moving like a robot as I grab my backpack and start putting my stuff away. Internally I’m buzzing, anxious to get out of here. Away from him. I told myself I didn’t need him. Didn’t miss him. But seeing him right now, having him in my presence and so close, my entire body is lit from within.

And that’s the wrong reaction to have.

I pull my backpack strap over my shoulder and am about to leave when I can feel him drawing closer, his hand lightly resting on my elbow. I whirl on him, my heart hammering, threatening to burst out of my chest and I see the regret flash in his eyes for the quickest moment before it’s gone. Replaced with the typical gleam of disdain that always seems to be there.

“Sinclair.” His voice is flat, and I wonder why he stopped me in the first place if he didn’t want to talk to me. “Hello.”

“August.” I match his tone, not wanting him to think I’m thrilled to be in his presence. I mean, I am, but I don’t want him to know that. And it’s more my body is excited to be close to his. Not my mind. My mind is screaming at me to leave. Now. “Good seeing you.”

I start walking and he keeps pace with me. “It’s been a while.”

“It has.” I send him a condescending smile. “I’m sure you’ve been avoiding me.”

He frowns. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

Oh please. Like he cares. “If I was, it must’ve been a happy accident.”

I move through the stacks, August trailing just behind me, the spicy scent of his cologne lingering in the air, making me dizzy. I’d never admit it to him, but it took me a while to wash my pillowcase after he laid his head on it. I would fall asleep to the scent of him and it was…comforting.

Which is dumb. I am a dumb, hopeless girl when it comes to this man and I sort of hate myself for it.

“I was trying to give you space,” he finally says once we’re walking through the front of the building. Past the help desk and the many tables that are filled with students. All of them are watching us, I can feel their eyes as we walk past, and I’m sure they’re wondering whotheAugust Lancaster is talking to.

“Space?” I come to a stop in front of those tables, in the mood to make a public spectacle. “If I remember, you’re the one who ran away after getting thoroughly pissed at me for something stupid that I said.”

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