Page 92 of Devil and the Deep Blue Fish

“They didn’t want Caleb hurt?” Jackson prodded. Part of him wanted to caution Danny about his language, which was stupid, because Jackson remembered swearing like he breathed, particularly when he was a bitter fourteen-year-old, but part of him was almost gratified.

Hehadused the F-word like most people used “the”—but it had purged some of his anger, some of his hatred for the world atlarge, when he had. He hoped that if Danny got the opportunity to pour some of that poison, that toxin, from his system, he’d free up his heart to grow strong and pure.

Both boys beingso angryat Jo-Jo and Teddy for abusing the girls was a good sign. The girls had been kind to them, sneaking them food when the boys had gotten in trouble, talking to them—even singing to them—when they’d been locked in the closet. Danny and Enrique weregratefulfor simple human kindness, andfuriousthat it had been paid back in filth.

Good kids, Jackson thought sadly. All of them: The girls, the boys, and the two trans-folk who had been difficult to spot because of the shitty, thin cotton scrubs they’d all been forced to wear. Kids trying to find their identities—only to find that their identities were despised by their parents and stripped away by their captors.

“Caleb was pretty,” Enrique said when Danny proved strangely silent. “Caleb… he had this look. Like an angel. Cowboy showed up, took one look at the lot of us, and said, ‘Oh no, fuck this,’ and Caleb took one look at Cowboy and….” He and Danny met eyes, and Danny glanced away.

“It’s funny,” Danny said gruffly. “I didn’t follow them out the window because I was pissed that Caleb stared at Cowboy the way I knew I stared at Caleb. But… but once Caleb got caught and… and made that noise”—and now his voice broke—“I didn’t care how he looked at Cowboy. I just… I just wanted him alive to look at me any way he could.”

Jackson’s heart cracked, shattered, turned to dust, and for a moment he was grateful because that meant he wouldn’t need it anymore. He could do this job without a heart, and nobody would ever know.

But the shock of numbness faded, and his chest ached, and apparently a powdered heart could still beat and still hurt, andthis kid was walking around with a pain in his soul that no young person should ever endure.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jackson said.

“I know it,” Danny snarled, still staring at the now-clean kitchen.

“No, you don’t,” Jackson told him, and his chest was suddenly too tight, and he hated himself for what was going to come out because who wanted to burden a kid with this but… but…. “You think you know, but you don’t. My friend Henry got shot two nights ago, keeping Cowboy safe from Shitbag Retty. I wasn’t there—none of us knewanythingabout what you guys were going through, about Retty, about any of this shit. But I’ve been telling myself that it was my fault.Myfault, because Henry was my trainee, my work partner, myfriend,and I dragged him into all sorts of shit because….” Jackson let out a strained chuckle. “Well, because he wanted to go,” he said, his voice thick. “And he wanted to help people, and he wanted to make sure Cowboy and the nice lady taking care of him were both safe. But he got shot, and itfeltlike my fault—”

Danny met his eyes. “It wasn’t,” he said gruffly. “Shitbag Retty would have done that crap for free.”

Jackson felt a small smile creeping around the corner of his mouth. “I know that now,” he said. “Because of you and Enrique, and, well, a whole lot of other people who will be justifiably pleased if that woman drops off the face of the planet.” He sobered. “But you need to know that, just like Otto, you were in an impossible situation. Getting fed, having a place to sleep? That’s not small potatoes. Not wanting to risk that to follow Cowboy? That was a judgment call. You’re not the reason Caleb….” He didn’t want to say “died,” but he was starting to think there was no other way. “Made that noise. You’re not the reason he didn’t come back. The people who put you guys in that situation are the reason. You were just doing the best you could.”

Danny put his face in his arms and wiped his cheeks on his bicep before meeting Jackson’s eyes. “Is your friend gonna be okay?” he asked.

Jackson thought about his next stop at the hospital. “I hope so,” he said. “We’re going to see him next.”

“What about Cowboy?” Enrique asked. “You said he got away?”

“Yeah,” Jackson told him. “Cowboy’s in a good sitch for the moment. We….” He sighed. “We wanted to keep him out of the system for a while.”

“Why?” Enrique asked, and Danny gave him a pitying glance.

“’Cause he was probably sucking dick for food,” he said before looking at Jackson. “You don’t want that shit down in writing.”

“The system has its drawbacks,” Jackson admitted. “And the people who helped him out aren’t exactly police favorites either.”

Danny and Enrique exchanged titillated glances. “What? Did he get saved by, like, thieves? Like in those books?Blood and Bone?”

Jackson laughed. “You like to read?” he asked, hoping to get Danny off the scent before he found himself spilling about Johnnies and the whole enchilada.

“Yeah,” Danny muttered, suddenly dispirited again. “That’s how I got in trouble at home. Old man thought books were for faggots.”

“Well, lucky you,” Jackson said. “Webelievein paperbacks here. Nilas and Geordie can show you to where the bookshelves are, and if you tell me the name of your favorite series—”

“Me too?” Enrique asked, feeling like a kid for the first time. “Because there’s this robot assassin thing that I washotfor going around school.”

“Absolutely. You guys get with Aileen to make a list—sky’s the limit.”

“Otto too?” Enrique asked eagerly, and Jackson could hear the same thing in his voice that Jackson himself felt. Something small and happy. God, these kids needed it.

“Otto too,” Jackson told him. He glanced up at Nilas and Geordie. “You guys too. Geordie, get out—” He was going to say “pen and paper” because, well, he was over thirty, but Geordie had his phone out.

“On it,” he said, fingers a blur.

“Send it to me ASAP,” Jackson said. “I’ll have them sent as soon as I get the list.”

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