Page 57 of Fervent

The truth was so much worse than what I’d feared. What kind of man does that?

The kind of man I’d become.

The kind of man who’d stabbed a guy in the neck, choked him out like it was nothing, then burned down his fucking house.

Jax staggered to me, holding a hand to his bloodied head. “You okay?”

“Rafe Mason is dead.”

“Dude, how bad did you hit your head? You’re fine, but you won’t be if we don’t get the fuck outta here.”

“I remember.”

His eyes widened. “What? Seriously?” He wiped the bloody hair from his eyes. “What do you remember?”

“Everything.”

Since I wasn’t moving, he grabbed my arm and hauled me to the street. We walked the four blocks to his van, and thankfully any passerby was too worried about the billow of smoke pummeling the sky to pay us much attention.

Jax pointed to the passenger side of the van. “Get in.”

Sirens blared as I slid into the seat. Jax started the engine and jerked away from the curb, tires spinning. He shot down the street, made a turn, then another, and the wail of sirens grew faint.

“I can’t go back, Jax. I can’t face her.”

“You just got your memory back.”

“I’ve taken enough from her. She’s better off without me.” I waved behind us, at the dark cloud of doom attacking the sky. “The threat is gone. She can move on, free from this, from her father, from me.”

“She fucking loves you. Do you really think she’ll just get over it?” He braked hard on a yellow light, and I shot my hand out to keep from careening into the dash.

“It’ll be hard at first, but I have to believe she’ll find happiness, live a normal life. Fucking find some closure and heal. As long as I’m around, she’ll never give me up.”

“And her brother will never give her up,” Jax pointed out.

I balled my fists. “I’ll take care of him. He’ll never hurt her again.”

“I’ll help you take care of him, but you need to get your ass back to her. You left her chained to your bed, man.”

I railed against the idea of her restrained to my bed. I didn’t think of freeing her. No, I thought of taking advantage, of choking her while simultaneously ramming my cock into her.

And she’d let me because she trusted me.

Ididn’t trust me.

“I can’t do it, Jax.” I shook my head, mouth forming a stubborn line. “Part of me wants to go back eight years and shake some fucking truth into her. None of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have been so fucking broken. I wouldn’t have gone through hell in prison.” I paused, dragging my hands through my hair, and tamped down the strangling overflow of emotion. “I wouldn’t have killed your uncle. None of this would—”

“And I’d be dead.”

Jax’s gaze held mine, and the utter quiet that settled over that moment was spine-tingling. The light turned green, and we rolled forward again. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” He scrunched his brows. “Or her. Fuck, Rafe. I’ve hated her for all kinds of reasons, but I never stopped to think about it like that. If she’d told the truth, you wouldn’t have been there to save my ass.”

There was no easy way to look at the fucked up mess we’d created. Any way I contemplated it, someone ended up dead. But I couldn’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if Alex had told the truth. Zach would’ve gone to jail, and I was positive my pull toward Alex would have brought us together. Could we have ended up happy? Normal? Me, living the dream in the UFC with a hot, kinky wife and a couple of kids at my side?

It sounded good, but it didn’t sound like us.

We couldn’t bury our history. It was a fucking zombie that would just keep coming, no matter how many times we thought we’d laid it to rest. Unlocking my memory had screwed us. The anger, the agony, the fucking pain of betrayal that squeezed my chest until I couldn’t fucking breathe…

I wanted to choke her for it all.

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