Page 36 of Rampant

Hope that he’d love me even.

Hope that he’d help me end this, once and for all.

Zach was still out there, and everyone around me was nuts. Rafe had done horrible things to me, but he was the crazy I knew, the crazy I loved, the crazy I trusted with my heartandmy life.

Looking at him was like looking into a mirror. We’d done so much to hurt each other, but we were the only ones who could fix each other. I believed that with every bone in my body. It’d just taken me a while to see beyond my father’s manipulations, his threats, and I refused to be a puppet any longer. Not unless it was the man on the other side of the door pulling the strings.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I lifted a fist and knocked.

“You can tell my brother to shove it. Shit, Jax, I don’t even remember working at the winery. Seems pointless to go back now.” I paced in the kitchen, cell to my ear, and not-so-patiently listened while he tried to convince me that Adam was right. Hiding out alone on the island wasn’t going to fix anything. I needed to move on with my life, memory or not. Move on from Alex.

So why wasn’t I? Even I didn’t know why I was stuck in purgatory, neither remembering the past nor moving toward the future. I was frozen in this lonely existence where Alex’s wails haunted my dreams each night. Other stuff haunted me too. Men and their brutal hands taking every last thread of power from me. I shook the images from my head, as I always did when those nightmares sparked. They pierced me to my bones every time, but I took them as a sign that on some subconscious level, I craved the control I’d lost. Made sense, considering my life had become a huge clusterfuck.

“If you’re not ready to talk to Adam,” Jax said, “at least come meet up with me tonight. You’ve been cooped up on that island too long. We’ll scope out a date for you.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Dating is the furthest thing from my mind, but I appreciate the thought.” Tiring of pacing, I returned to the living room and lowered onto the couch with my laptop. Keeping tabs on the local fighting scene had become an obsession. I ached to step into the cage again, to experience the thrilling high that only came from choking out an opponent. But no legitimate organization would take on a guy convicted of raping a 15-year-old girl.

“Forget about women then,” Jax said. “Just come meet me tonight. Say about nine?”

“I’ll think about it.” I scrolled through the latest fights and their outcomes. Some of the fighters I remembered, but a lot of the contenders were new names making a splash on the scene. “So how’s Nikki?”

“Nikki is…” His sigh filtered over the line. “I’m trying to get her to postpone this fucking wedding.”

“You’re in over your head,” I said, closing the laptop.

“You’re one to talk.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Alex De Luca. She’s the reason you’re holed up in isolation on that damn piece of land.”

I hated how he knew me so well. “I shouldn’t have left her the way I did, Jax. She was a mess—”

“Let it go,” he said, tone firm. “You don’t even remember her.”

“Oh, I remember her.”

“I’m not talking about the girl. I’m talking about the woman. You lose your fucking memory, but somehow, you’re still just as obsessed as ever.”

I had no ground to argue on, so I didn’t even try. A knock sounded, and I welcomed the distraction of an unexpected visitor. “Someone’s here.” I strode to the door, pulled it open, and found Alex standing on the other side, suddenly just there, as if my guilt had summoned her. “I’ll have to call you back,” I told Jax before hanging up on him. I pocketed my cell then stared at her with my mouth hanging open.

Fucking A. I was at a loss for words.

“I know you don’t want to see me,” she said, her gaze lowering to her sneakers. She expelled a breath that ruffled her hair before bringing her eyes to mine. Beautiful eyes full of pain and confusion and…something I couldn’t put a name to but whatever it was it pulled at me in a way I couldn’t resist. God, she was gorgeous. I’d noticed the differences in her at the hospital, despite her frail state, but seeing her on my doorstep, the sun shining on the crown of her curls, how her teenage body had morphed into that of a woman’s…I had to take a deep breath to keep from reaching out and touching her.

My gaze darted behind her to the trees where thick branches and the incline of the terrain hid the water. “You crossed the river?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “I have nowhere else to go, Rafe. No one else to trust.”

I was speechless. Birds chirped, a hawk squawked overhead, and the howl of a train roared in the distance. But me? I was fucking speechless.

“Say something, please.” She gripped her arm, fingers curling into the long sleeve of a green shirt. The weather was too warm to cover up so much skin, but I knew why she did it. And she looked fucking scared.

Of me? But that didn’t quite add up. What would cause her to set foot on this island, facing her worst fear and the man who’d kidnapped and raped her?

“After what I put you through,” I said, keeping my tone gentle so I wouldn’t run her off, “I don’t deserve your trust.”

She held out a stack of envelopes. “I wrote these while you were in prison. I want you to read them, but…” She backed away, her gaze roaming in every direction but mine. “I want you to read them alone. I’ll wait out here.”

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