Her eyes veered to the clock on the wall, a circular piece of art crafted with gold numbers. “We’re out of time for now,” she said, rising to stand, “but I’d like to see you again next week. I hope you’ll come, and not because your father wants you to.”
“I’ll think about it.” I shuffled my feet, itching to escape the confines of this room and the eerie way she had of pulling information from me, of making me look at myself differently. I followed her to the door. She pulled it open but hovered.
“This other man you talked about? Consider giving him another chance to forgive you. Maybe then you can forgive yourself.”
“I’m so glad you called.”
I pushed the lettuce around on my plate until I found another cherry tomato. “It’s been ages,” I said. After my appointment with my therapist, I hadn’t been ready to go home to my father, so I’d called Evelyn. The last time I remembered seeing her was…
I couldn’t remember the last time. Not in specific detail, anyway. We were never really close. Not like friends should be, but we’d spent occasional afternoons together having coffee or lunch. She’d talk my ear off about her latest boyfriends, and I’d quietly listen. That was the interesting thing about people who liked to talk a lot—they never expected me to contribute much because they were too busy going on about their own lives.
Their men.
Their new jobs.
Their gossip.
Their life-altering moments.
They, they, they. Most people would probably get tired of it, and Evelyn was especially self-focused. But I wouldn’t call her selfish. Out of the few friends I’d managed to keep over the years, she was the first one willing to listen whenever I did get the inkling to unload something.
I had that inkling now, but the words lodged in my throat and refused to be spoken, so I continued to sit in silence and let her catch me up on her life.
She was going on about her latest boyfriend’s prowess in bed, in particular, the size of his cock and some super-powered move he did with it, when she paused mid-sentence and gave me a funny look. “Are you going to chase that tomato around your plate all day, or are you going to eat it?”
I stabbed it with a fork, and a piece of lettuce fell victim to its spilled guts. Gutted. That’s how I felt. Unloading on Sandra had been a dangerous thing. An addictive thing, because I wanted to do it again, only I didn’t want to stick to vague answers this time. I wanted to tell someone all the shit life had thrown at me.
Besides Rafe, Evelyn was the closest thing I had to a real friend. Weren’t friends supposed to tell each other their secrets? I wouldn’t know. My secret had been too huge, too horrific, to share with anyone for years.
Until Rafe had tortured it out of me.
“Okay, something’s on your mind. It was weird enough that you called out of the blue, but you’re neverthisquiet, and that’s saying a lot.” She sipped her iced tea and settled back in the chair. “I heard about what happened in the papers. I wanted to call you. Truth is, I didn’t know what to say. We’d drifted apart, and I just…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
“No,” she said, her mouth set in a firm line as she shook her head. “It’s not okay. My friend had a mental breakdown of epic proportions and I couldn’t even bring myself to pick up the goddamn phone. I’m sorry, Alex. I’m here now.”
“I didn’t have a mental breakdown.”
Her brows crinkled in confusion. “What happened then? Everyone thought you were dead.”
A sheen of sweat broke out on my skin, and I felt a trickle sliding down my temple. I opened my mouth, commanded my tongue to work right and spill the wordsmy brother kidnapped and raped me, but I couldn’t. I had many reasons to keep it bottled inside, mainly, the threat my father held over my head. Over Rafe’s head.
I’d been protecting him in some way or another for a nearly a decade, but he wanted nothing to do with me. Hurt infiltrated my chest and choked the life from my heart. How could he walk away so easily after what we’d shared? After what he’d done? Wasn’t he afraid I’d turn him in?
Don’t be stupid. He knows he has you wrapped.
“Alex?”
I jumped, only then noticing the mangled napkin in my hands. I’d managed to shred it while wrestling with my thoughts. Evelyn still waited. Choosing to take the familiar coward’s way out, I was about to make up a story when my cell beeped.
“I should get this. I’ll be right back.” I scooted back from the table with a sigh of relief. My phone continued to chirp as I walked through the busy restaurant, out the front doors, and into the summer heat. The instant I answered the call and heard his breathing, I couldn’t move.
“Don’t hang up.”
Hang up? I could barely function. My gaze darted around, studying the bystanders and taking a modicum of comfort in their presence. I tightened my fingers around the phone, willed my hand to pull it away from my ear and hit the end button, but somewhere between thought and action, the signal in my brain got its wires crossed.
“I miss you,” he said, making my fingers freeze. “And I’m so, sosorry.” His voice cracked on the last word. He sniffled, and I was pretty certain the bastard was crying.