Page 114 of Grumpy Darling

“Sorry, Mom, I didn’t mean . . .”

“No, Paige,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. You’re right.”

“I-I am?”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath, but it only seemed to release more tears. “Youdon’twant to end up like me.”

“What are you talking about?”

She looked up, her usually pristine eyeliner slightly smudged, and her face still wet with tears. “I lost my job,” she whispered.

I sunk into the seat at her side. “What? How?”

“Budget cuts.” She shook her head, and her jaw tensed. “They cut the staff in half. I can’t believe it. When they needed to drag me away from my family for weeks on end, I was indispensable. But when the going got tough, I was among the first to go.” She released a dry laugh.

I was almost more surprised to see this vulnerable side to my mom than hearing she’d lost her job. She always seemed so perfectly held together, even when she was stressed and busy. But right now, she looked broken.

“That’s awful, I’m so sorry, Mom.”

“No, I’m sorry, Paige.” She sat up and looked me in the eye. I didn’t know what she was apologizing for, but I could see she meant it. “Ever since I can remember, my goal was to get accepted into the best college possible and find the best job possible. As soon as I set foot on the corporate ladder, I started climbing, and I haven’t stopped. For years, I worked myself into the ground for that company. I missed so much time with you, with your father, with everything. But I was only ever just a number to them. And as soon as the numbers didn’t add up...” Her gaze fell to the floor, and she shook her head again.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked.

Mom closed her eyes and took a moment before she answered. “Not right now.” When she opened her eyes, she looked at me once more. “But I will be. And I know you will be too.”

“I-I will?”

She nodded. “My path was laid out for me from high school, and look where it’s gotten me. Years of hard work suddenly feels like it was all for nothing. I don’t want you to go through that.”

She took a heavy breath before she continued. “You don’t have to go to college if you don’t want to. You can find your own way through the trees. Discover something that you truly love to do.”

I stared at her in shock. Had she agreed with me? She was looking at me in earnest, her eyes wide and filled with genuine care. She was being vulnerable and open and, for once, I felt I was seeing what my mother hid behind her harsh, cold walls.

“I know I’ve been hard on you about college and planning for the future,” she said. “But I just want you to have options. So, if it ever turns out you’re heading in the wrong direction, you can easily find your way to a better route. I know you don’t want to end up like me. And now I understand why. You need to find your own way. I trust you to do it. But I want you to know, I’m here to help.”

I was lost for words. My mom never backed down, never gave in. I think her motto in life was to win at all costs. Surrender wasn’t an option. But I think, right now, she was legitimately waving a white flag.

I usually blocked out a lot of what my mom said once she started talking about college, but this time I was listening. It finally felt like she was speaking from the heart, rather than just telling me what she thought she was supposed to. It finally felt like she understood where I was coming from.

That’s all I’d ever really wanted from her. But she was also making a lot of sense. I’d never in a million years admit she was right, but keeping my options open might not be the worst idea.

“You have helped me, Mom,” I said. “More than you know.”

“I have?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I mean, I’ve been determined to defy your every wish this year. I had to get that kind of perseverance from somewhere.”

Her tears had cleared up enough that she could firmly glare at me.

I smiled. “But seriously, over the last few months, it might have seemed like I was avoiding my future, but I’ve actually been thinking about it more than ever. Maybe you haven’t seen it, but you’ve pushed me to try countless new things, get out of my comfort zone and search for my path. I might not have found it yet, but I’m getting there. I promise.”

“That’s great, Paige. I’m so glad.”

“And I guess it wouldn’t hurt to apply to a few colleges. Maybe we can work on an application together now.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” she said. “Thank you.” She gave me a smile that was so much warmer than the rigid curve I was used to seeing on her lips. She wiped one last tear from her cheek as she stood. “But there’s no rush. Let’s get your things from the car first, and then you can tell me everything you’ve been up to the last couple of weeks.”

As she walked from the kitchen, I wondered if perhaps losing her job might end up being the best thing to happen to my mom. Maybe she’d be a little more human and a little less robotic now that she wasn’t working so hard. Maybe things would be better between us.

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