Page 82 of I Hate You More

“What?” Cora turned to me once more. “Why have you been ignoring him?”

I groaned and put my head down in my hands. This book club was going from bad to worse at the speed of light. I loved these women to death, but having The Three C’s gang up on you was the equivalent of being waterboarded in an interrogation. There was no way I was leaving this room without completely spilling all my secrets.

“Ally?” my grandma prompted. She was always the less flighty one of her friends. I’d hoped I could at least rely on her not to get carried away around Chase, but even she sounded curious.

When I glanced up at her, I could see it wasn’t curiosity in her gaze but concern. “It’s not like you to shut people out,” she said.

My eyes darted in Chase’s direction. “Can we please just talk about this later?” I begged.

“No, we can’t,” Chase replied. “Because you’ve been pretending you don’t want to be with me and that I don’t exist, and I’m not taking it anymore.”

“I haven’t been pretending you don’t exist.” It was the exact opposite. He existed everywhere for me, and I couldn’t seem to escape him.

“Ally, I had to gate-crash this book club just to get you to look me in the eyes.”

I wasn’t sure how it had happened, but somehow, the two of us were standing, glaring at each other as we stood in the middle of the book club circle with everyone watching on. I didn’t want to have it out in front of them. I just needed to be alone, so I turned and left the room.

Chase followed right after me though, catching me by the elbow, as I exited into the corridor.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I pleaded, as I turned to him. It was getting harder and harder to push him away. I wanted to break so badly and melt into his arms, but breaking meant letting him down in the worst possible way, and I couldn’t do that.

“Because you don’t let the people you love push you away,” he replied.

I froze. Every wisp of air knocked from my lungs, my mind blank of anything but his words. I slowly started shaking my head. “You don’t love me,” I whispered. “You can’t.”

“I do,” he said, not backing down. “And it wasn’t because of some stupid plan you came up with either.”

All heat left my skin, and I stumbled back from him. He knew about the plan. I didn’t even know where to begin to explain it to him, but he kept talking before I could try.

“Yes, I know all about the plan, and I don’t give a shit about it.”

I opened my mouth to ask him why, but he kept on going.

“And I do love you. I love you because the things that have happened between us were real, because we are what happens when things don’t go to plan.” He closed the distance between us once more until our bodies were but a breath apart. “And because I miss every damn thing about you, including every little thing I thought I hated. You are the most stubborn, most annoying pain in the ass I’ve ever known, but you’remypain in the ass, and I’m not letting you throw us away.”

I let out a little laugh and shook my head as tears welled in my eyes. “It doesn’t matter how much we love each other. My dad will never let me date you.”

He grinned at my words. “So, you do love me.”

I slowly nodded, fear swirling within me as I admitted the terrible truth to him. “It doesn’t matter though.”

“It matters to me.”

His lips descended on mine. Our lips clashed with the intensity of waves slamming against the shore. It stole my breath, my heart, and a little piece of my soul. The whole world lay forgotten in the moment, and I would have given anything for the kiss to never end. I needed him like I needed the air I breathed, but each breath was also filled with pain because deep down I knew it could only be this one time.

It was our first true kiss, but it would also be our last. So, I pushed down the pain and clung to him as I threw myself into it, knowing this might be the only chance I ever got to kiss him this way.

When we finally broke apart, he rested his head against mine, allowing our shaky, shallow breaths to mingle. It took everything in me to step away, and Chase’s eyes were filled with such affection as he looked upon me that a small part of my soul was chipped away. He looked at me like he’d just unearthed something precious, but I knew I could never be his.

“Chase, that can’t happen again.”

“Of course, it can.” His nonchalant attitude sparked my irritation. I was trying to do the right thing by him, but he was acting like my concerns were unfounded.

He started walking down the corridor toward the parking lot, but I chased after him. “No, it can’t,” I said. “If my dad finds out, he’ll kick you out of the house, and we can’t risk that.”

“It’ll be fine, Ally.”

I was beginning to wonder if I wanted to take back my declaration of love. This boy drove me absolutely crazy; how could I so easily forget?

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