Page 41 of Atlas

“I’m the only guy here without a history. Everyone else has done something for this club, sacrificed somehow. Or they did it earlier in their lives, before they came.”

“So, just because you weren’t in the military or your dad wasn’t Prez or you haven’t been to jail, or you’re not so morally gray, you think you’reboring? Who implied that?”

He studies the wall. “No one.”

“Someone must have!” Fuck the open door. I lean into him and stroke his cheek, turning him back to face me. “Why would you think that there’s anything wrong with the way you were raised?” Anger scorches my throat and bleeds into my words against my will. “Do you know how lucky you were to have a whole family unit? Your parents must have worked so hard to keep their love alive and to provide for you.”

“I’m not- that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t mean that they didn’t.”

“You had what most of the world can only dream of. Youstillhave it.” My hand drops to his and clutches it. I squeeze too hard. “You think killing someone or beating someone up, or having a brain that’s hardwired differently is going to make you more a member of this club?”

His eyes flash and darken. “No.”

“Then what do you meanboring?”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

He tries to stand up, but I’m faster. I scramble around him, launching myself into his lap and pinning him to the bed. We’re connected now, pressed up tightly to each other, and I feel the shiver work its way through his muscles. His cock kicks beneathmy ass. My pulse kicks up, my stomach clenches, and I get violent twinges between my legs that result in the fabric of my leggings growing damp.

I slide my hand to the back of his neck.

“It’s notnothing. I’m sorry.” I grasp his shoulder with my other hand, feeling for the knots beneath his t-shirt. All I can find is rock hard muscle all over, so I rub a small circle at the base of his neck instead. “I shouldn’t be getting annoying with you. I know that you don’t take your family for granted.”

“I try not to.” His eyes drop down to my mouth, not in a sexual way or with hunger, but I still want to surge forward and taste him.

“Everyone feels inadequate sometimes, or like they should be doing something more with their lives. It’s part of personal growth. For the love of freaking god, tell me you’re not planning on doing something stupid just to feel like more of a badass.”

“No.” His gaze shoots back up to mine. “Nothing like that. Although if anyone ever threatened you or tried to hurt someone in my family, I’d always put myself between you and them. I’d do anything to keep you safe. And I’d do anything that Tyrant ever asked me to do.”

“I understand. I don’t need you to be a saint or a devil. I like you the way you are.”

“Bland and boring.”

“You’re not though! Are you thinking that you want to do something more than this club? More than Hart?” I draw in a shaky breath and ask what I need to ask. “More than me?”

“Not more than the club and never more than you.” He shakes his head, truly haunted. He pales, looking almost sick. “I don’t want to leave Hart for good. I’d be fine with going away for a week or two to see other countries. The colleges here are fine. Being forced to take classes with you was a great thing.”

“What’s going on then? You’re saying all the right things, but you’re like stone, which says that something is all wrong.”

“Do you need me to be rougher? Am I unsatisfying? Am I giving you everything you need?”

I don’t want to let my jaw flap around, but it’s very hard not to gape at him. “Are you giving me everything I need?” I repeat the words just to make sure I heard him right. “I- I don’t… We’re just starting to discover each other and build something more. You’re my friend. Probably the greatest friend I’ve ever had or ever will have again.”

The friend zone sucks, but I’m not implying we should stay stuck there. I’ll always value Atlas’ friendship first, because to me, that’s the one thing that can pull people through anything. It’s an unshakable foundation where anything else can be built.

His face blanks, but his body grows more tense.

“Listen to me You’re not responsible for my happiness. You were not created to fill the holes inside of me. Throwing all that dependency on someone isn’t healthy. Doing it all on your own isn’t either. There has to be something in the middle. I’m not saying that being with you doesn’t make me happy. You bring me so much joy. You enhance the best parts of me, some of them I didn’t even know were there, but I’m not just going to give up working on myself because you’re at my side. How would that be fair to you?”

He can’t answer that. The silence stretches on, growing uncomfortable.

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t trust you or that I won’t come to you if I’m hurting or have a problem, or if I just want to share my joy and laughter. I didn’t mean that I wouldn’t listen and fight for you in return.”

The tension unspools at that, his façade cracking open to allow his regular golden warmth to blaze through. “You’re always fighting for me. Even when you don’t know it. Even whenIdidn’t know it.”

“We all are. If I’m not getting what you’re trying to say, or I can’t, then let’s figure out who might be able to help. Have you talked to your parents about this? Maybe Tyrant or Raiden?”

“I haven’t talked to anyone. Just you.” His face softens further. He looks sad now, so discouraged, and that kills me. “I don’t even know what I want to say.”

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