Page 31 of Slay the Gay Away, Daddy

“On your knees,” I order in a voice I don’t recognize.

Darren slowly moves in front of me and sinks to his knees. He’s got his hands folded against his lap, waiting for Daddy’s instruction. Jesus. It has no right being as erotic as it is. The sight of him kneeling in front of me, craving something only I can provide, is an absolute rush. An adrenaline high like no other. I reach down and drag my thumb against his lower lip.

“Open up for me.” It feels like a million static shocks are popping beneath my skin, and the feeling intensifies when he opens his mouth and shells his tongue around my finger. “Good boy. Alright. Go on, baby. Show me what you’ve got.”

He licks his lips and nods before reaching for my waistband. As he pulls my underwear down, my cock catches on the edge ofmy boxer-briefs and slaps the side of his mouth. As if he’s been training for this all his life, Darren opens his mouth and pivots to the right, taking me in. His tongue is wet against my shaft, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It isn’t hateful or harsh the way it was withher. There isn’t any unnecessary pressure like when I tried to do stuff with Mal. Darren is his own person, and this is our experience. It mirrors nothing before, because how could it? How could anything compare to his soft mouth around my aching cock? He’s swirling the tip of his tongue around it like his only lot in life is to suck me off. Maybe it is. Maybe God made him special, just for me.

“Look at you,” I whisper, amazed at the sight of him. He’s taking to my cock like a duck to water, lapping and licking at it repeatedly. His cheeks go hollow each time he sucks me to the base, and seeing him like this—watching him dirty himself up for me—makes me ache harder than ever before. “Jesus, Darren.”

He pulls away until his lips are barely covering my cockhead, mumbling, “Good, Daddy?”

I run my fingers through his hair and moan, because, fuck, yes, it’s good. Fuck, yes, it’s perfect. I don’t even swear and Dare’s got me wanting to drop F-bombs left and right. Nothing has ever felt as good as his lips around me.

“Christ, Dare, how did you get so good at this?” I narrow my eyes at him. “Have you been practicing with other men?”

He quickly shakes his head, letting my cock fall from his mouth. “No, sir. I just think of what I want to do to you a lot. Like, all the time.”

A smile settles on my face. “Oh, yeah?”

To prove it, he dives down, swallowing my cock to the base. His lips seem to meld around my skin like we’re connected, and the longer he bobs up and down, the closer he pulls me toward the edge. God. We haven’t even started and I’m already close. I never thought I’d get to have this with another man, much lessmy best friend. But now, seeing him rocking back and forth, taking me in like communion wine, who else could it ever have been? Who else could I ever want to share this with?

“You’re beautiful this way,” I tell him, because he is. He pulls back until only the head of my cock is right in front of his mouth, all wet and slobbery and just begging to be swallowed. He extends his tongue and licks the underside of my cock, then takes me back into his throat. The entire time he sucks me, he’s got one hand around my shaft, stroking in time with his sucking, and his other is pressed firmly against my stomach like he needs the physical contact to prove this is real. I place my hand on top of his, holding him as close as I can.

Pulling away from my cock, Darren kisses his way up my stomach, smiling adoringly. The tenderness in his gestures makes my heart race even more. Every kiss, every touch, feels like a promise. That I’m his. That I’ve always been his. When he reaches my chest, he takes my nipple between his lips and sucks, holding eye contact with me the entire time. He slides his hand beneath his underwear and strokes, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to see anything more in my life than Darren’s penis.

He kisses me, gentler this time, his hand exploring my back before finally settling on my ass. As he squeezes and gropes me like a Christmas ham, my cock swells even harder, leaking evidence of my arousal all over his underwear. I’m grinding against him, needing more of his sweet friction, and his hand slips lower, then between my cheeks, making me cry out as he brushes against my entrance. I’ve never given much thought to which role I would take should I ever engage in homosexual activity, because I never imagined I would. Now, it’s all I can think of. Does Darren want to top me? Would he prefer to bottom? And what work is going to go into making that happen? I imagine he’ll need to clean himself out first, but then, what’s life without risk? Still, I’d prefer not to have to wash my sheetstonight in the event of an accident. I wouldn’t mind the cleanup, but I know it would embarrass my boy, and I can’t have that.

“How is this going to work?” As I rake my fingers through his hair, he finishes standing, and we’re chest to chest. “The sex stuff. I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

He cups my cheek. A small, sweet way of putting me at ease. “I’ve watched enough porn to know the basics.”

I can’t stop myself from giving him a quick pop to the backside. “Bad boy,” I scold. “What have I told you about pornography? It infects the mind. I’ve sent you research. It came from a medical journal.”

He rolls his eyes. “It came fromyourjournal, actually. It was signed with a crucifix above the ‘I’ and everything. And what facts are you talking about? It literally just said, ‘If I catch you watching adult films again, I’m going to make you stand in the corner.’ How is that—in any way—medical fucking research?”

I narrow my eyes at him, because while I do enjoy when he gets feisty and sassy, I don’t care for the backtalk, and I certainly don’t like the way he just dropped the F-bomb, so I pop his butt again. “I ain’t going to tell you again. You’re walking a real thin line right now. Keep walking it and see where it gets you.”

His lip curls into a smirk. “If it leads to your cock in my ass, I’ll walk as long as it takes.”

I swallow, but I can’t swallow down my nerves. Gosh. Okay. Yeah, well, that just about covers it. Darren wants me to top. He’s expecting to ride me like a horse, but I’ve only ever penetrated two people who I can recall. My wife, andher.I don’t remember the times I shared with him, but I kind of wish I did, just so I would know what the heck I’m doing.

“Dare,” I whisper, not wanting to say it any louder because this is a secret I haven’t even discussed with Mal before. “I might not be any good.”

“You’ll be great,” he attempts to reassure me, but it doesn’t do much to ease my worry.

I shake my head. “No, I mean, every time I’m with Mal, I freeze up. My dad, when he found out I was gay, he did something to me. I don’t really want to talk about it, but it’s done a number on me, and I just want you to know if I go blank or freeze on you, it’s not because of you.”

Darren nibbles his lip as he stares at me, trying to put puzzle pieces together in his head, probably. Whatever he’s thinking is forgotten when he leans closer and presses his lips against mine. Instinctively, I open myself up to him, parting my mouth and inviting him in. We work gently against each other, like we’re both scared one wrong move will send the other running. I take his hand and guide it to my shaft, curling his fingers around me.

When he breaks the kiss, I’m blinking dreamily, finally feeling a sense of completeness within me. The kiss alone tells me I never got it wrong. I’m gay as the day I was born, and no amount of reparative therapy is going to change that. I’m gay. That’s okay.

“It’s okay. If you get scared or freak out, or if I go too fast, just tell me to slow down, and I will.”

“Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. I want it to be good for you. Our first time should be something you remember, not something you . . .” Not something you look back on with residual trauma and a silent shame that never truly vanishes. “Just tell me how to make it good for you.” I know it’s not really our first time. Darren’s told me we’ve done stuff together before. It feels like the first time for me though. My first coherent experience with another man. A dream I’ve stuffed down to the very bottom of my soul, locking it away, never to be seen again.

“Do you want to start by sucking me?”

With a shaky breath, I nod and sink to my knees. I don’t know how much he’s packing behind his underwear, but it can’t be awhole lot. Good. I don’t want him to have a yardstick for a penis. What would I even do with all that manhood? It’s not like I can ration it away for leftovers like Sodom and Gomorrah meal prep gone wrong.

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