Page 30 of Slay the Gay Away, Daddy

I snuggle close to him. “I don’t want you to forget me anymore, either.” I tickle his chest. “Dad’s mad at me again.”

“When is he ever not mad at you? What happened this time?” His eyes narrow. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, nothing like that. There was a man at the house when I got home. He’s a pastor in West Clark. Dad doesn’t think your conversion therapy is working, so he wanted to outsource.”

He lets out a throaty growl as he digs his nails into my hip and pulls me even closer. “Mine.” My heart races at the admission, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. “No one converts you but me. Do you hear me, Darren? They don’t talk to you. They don’ttouch you. They don’t even think about guiding you back onto the straight and narrow. That’s my job.”

“It’s not as if I invited him over. Why are you growling at me like I did something wrong?”

He quickly shakes his head. “Never. You never do anything wrong. I was talking about your father and his friend. They don’t get to undo all our progress.”

I look down at his bare chest, unable to hold his gaze. “Dad says if I don’t do it, he’ll kick me out. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” A lie, because I make damn good money, but I can’t be away from Miles. Ever.

He doesn’t miss a beat. As soon as the words are out, Miles nods. “Then you can stay with me. You can stay right here with me, Dare. I won’t let anyone hurt you, but you can’t see that man again. I forbid it.”

“Forbid? Last I checked, I was a grown man, fully capable of making my own decisions.” I genuinely don’t know why the hell I just said that, because it’s not true at all. I mean, yeah, I’m an adult, and yes, I can make decisions, but Miles’ opinion has always been worth its weight in gold. He’s never let me screw up my life with stupid, childish mistakes. I want to listen to him. I need him to tell me what to do, because he always has, and I like it that way.

“You are, but you won’t be making this decision. I’m sorry, baby. I’m not letting you get hurt again. I want you here with me.” He cups my face, his eyes searching mine. I don’t know what he’s looking for. Courage, perhaps? If so, he finds it pretty quickly.

“Miles?”

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice soft and fragile. He’s never sounded this vulnerable before.

My jaw wobbles a little, and I dip my head up and down in approval. He leans in close, and as his lips touch mine, theworld goes still around us. His kiss is tender with an insistent undertone, like he’s wanted to do this all his life. We’re mouth to mouth, but it’s still not close enough, so I pivot into his lap, straddling him, our chests are touching, and his heart is thumping against me. His hands cradle my face, and when he breaks the kiss, the look he gives me almost feels like a promise. Like he’s reassuring me this is real. I trail my fingers up and down his jawline, his rough stubble tickling the tips. When he leans forward and claims me with another kiss, he deepens the connection, and before I can stop it from happening, his tongue slides into my mouth. Tears flood my eyes, because I’ve missed this more than I’ve ever missed anything. The weeks we spent together in this bed—before learning our fairytale romance had only ever been one-sided—were the greatest moments of my life.

I pull back far enough that I can see his eyes, holding the sides of his face with my hands. I press another kiss to his lips, softer this time, a promise of more to come. “I love you, Miles.”

“I know, Dare-bear. I know you do.” He looks like he wants to say more, but whatever that might be goes unsaid. With our foreheads resting against each other, we close our eyes and just breathe, living in this precious moment where it’s him and me and our racing hearts. Then, as if life couldn’t get any better than it already is, he takes my hand and places it on top of his bulge.

chapter twelve

Crap.

Holy crap, I really didn’t think this thing through.

“Miles, I—”

I shake my head because I don’t want him talking me out of this. I don’t want to miss my chance to see another man’s penis in person, even if that person is my best friend. Ah, hell. I’m about to blow up my entire life, and I’m standing here with a match, wanting to burn it down faster.

Darren’s thumbs fumble with the button on his jeans a few times before he finally gets it unfastened. Once that’s out of the way, he slides the zipper down and tries to shimmy out of his pants, but they’re so skinny around the dang ankle, it’ll be a wonder if he doesn’t trip and crack his skull.

“For goodness’ sake. Be careful. You’ll fall.” I stand and slip out of my shirt, then pace the room, trying to get my nerve up. Darren is about to see me. He’s going to seeallof me. Places I’ve kept hidden. Uncharted territory begging to be explored. His arm wraps around me from behind, and it’s enough to ease my troubled mind.

“If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. It can wait.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think it can. I think I just need to rip the bandage off.” I hold my hand on top of his, pressing his palm even closer to my stomach. “I always knew I would backslide. I knew I wouldn’t last on the straight and narrow.” It’s something I’ve been scared of all my life. Losing the life I’ve built. Losing my relationship with God. “I just hate that I’m dragging you down with me.”

“You’re not,” he whispers, and I’m pretty sure he just kissed my shoulder. It’s sweet. “You’re not dragging me anywhere I didn’t already want to go. I’m crazy about you, Miles. I always have been. If getting you now means burning for eternity, then screw it. Burn me. I don’t care.” His hand twitches against my skin. “Forgive me, Father. I’m definitely about to sin.”

“We’re not Catholic,” I manage through a moan. His statement should have me quaking in my boots, fearful of wayward lightning bolts, but it doesn’t. It just makes blood pump placesit probably shouldn’t. I guide Darren’s hand down, my body shaking as I allow my best friend passage into an area he’s only visited overnight. When we reach my bulge, he curls his fingers around me, sighing contentedly.

“I think I’ve missed it as much as I’ve missed sharing this with you.”

The admission leaves me breathless, and when I look over my shoulder at him, my heart flutters. Gosh. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. He’s not just my Dare-bear. He’s not just my friend. He’s a man. All man, by the feel of it pressed against my back. Not much of a man, I’d wager, but that’s alright. I don’t mind if Dare doesn’t have a solid foot to work with. I shouldn’t care about a single inch, but all I can do is think about how many inches he’s working with. How those inches would feel in my hand.

Darren says I’m the best—well, only—lover he’s ever had. Then he stopped that side of our relationship. He shut it down to protect my dignity. My boy has been denied the pleasure he deserves.

That ends now.

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