Page 74 of The Road to Ruined

I wish she were right. I wish the things that made her happy could make me happy, too—a normal life with a clean-cut guy in tech, a house in the suburbs, and a big wedding to show it all off.

But I'm wired differently; I know that now. And Sebastian is right—maybe when it was dormant, I could move and exist in these spaces, but that isn't the case anymore.

Hewas supposed to stay and help me. He was supposed to take care of me and make sure it never got this bad.

He promised.

The door closes behind me, and I toss my suitcase onto the bed before opening it. I pull on a black mini-skirt with the red lace top I wore to that very first Gods of Tomorrow concert in L.A. and a pair of boots, then put on makeup and add some curl to my straightened hair. The bruises have faded, but not quite enough for makeup to hide them entirely.

I catch my reflection in the mirror once more before leaving the room and reluctantly sweep my hair over my shoulders to cover my scars.

It feels dishonest.

At least in my next life, I'll never have to worry about getting rid of them.

I'm early getting down to the lobby, so I pull out the phone Sebastian brought me a few days ago and send him a text. We fucked on the kitchen table that day, but since then, he's given me space like I asked, but as always, I know he's been around. I've just barely managed not to text him and take it all back a couple of times when my loneliness got the best of me.

ME Just keeping you in the loop. I'm still alive, and so is everyone else.

He reads it but doesn't reply, and I sigh, slouching on the hotel lobby sofa and stuffing the phone back into my purse. Of course, I should have expected him not to reply. I guess that's what happens when your only friend is a soulless murderer who doesn't even consider himself to be a person anymore.

And here I am, once again attached to a monster. The worst of all I've encountered—or maybe more accurately, sucked into my orbit. There's a common denominator here, and it isn't Declan.

"Oh, there she is," I hear Blakely say. "Hey, Teagan. You ready?"

"Yeah," I tell her. I offer a smile before pulling myself off the couch.

We walk to the neighboring hotel and into the restaurant, and after making sure none of the drinks have kiwi in them, I order a saketini, a seaweed salad, and a couple of sushi rolls.

I'm grateful the drink comes quickly. I'm uncomfortable—Blakely keeps trying to include me in their conversation about marriage and babies and relationships, but I have nothing to contribute.

"No, we want to get pregnant like…right away," Blakely tells them. "We both want three, and we want to have at least two years between all of them. And I know it's not always easy so…might as well get started right now."

"I love that," Ashlyn says. "I keep telling Mason the same thing, but he insists on waiting until we're thirty. I'm hoping next year when all of our friends have kids, he'll change his mind."

Air crackles in my straw when I take my next drink. I've already drained it. God damn it.

"Teagan has a new boyfriend," Blakely says. "He's a surgeon. He's really handsome, seems like a really nice guy."

My eyes go wide. "He's not my boyfriend," I tell them. "I don't think monogamy is for me, really, anyway."

"Well, what does that mean?" Ashlyn asks, her lips twisting with disgust.

I ignore her and change the subject. "Actually, I've been thinking about what Mom said about moving in with Aunt Beth in North Carolina, and I think I'm going to go after the wedding."

"Oh, you are?" Blakely asks, the surprise evident in her voice. "Well, I'm proud of you…taking control of your life again. That's huge."

"What are you going to do there?" Sophie asks.

I shrug. "Be different."

"Teagan's working really hard to cope with what happened to her with that cult, but…the rest of the world won't let her move on."

As if on cue, two women pass the table far too slowly, their eyes locked on me the entire time.

One of them snaps a sneaky photo on her phone. It's the kind of behavior I learned to notice on the road with the band. I smooth my hair back over my shoulders again. I don't need some bloodslut going nuts on me and trying to snake a blood sample or something like that nurse did.

"I was a huge fan," Lauren says. "I mean, not like I was drinking blood or cutting myself online or anything, but I was a massive fan. I went to their show in L.A."

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