Page 16 of The Road to Ruined

They talk for a while about what it was like at first—the parties, the concerts, drinking blood. How it felt intimate, romantic even. Declan convinced her it made them powerful, and she believed it.

I believed it, too.

She talks about how he took care of them, about the sex, about Layla and Heidi. She talks about Declan's rules, the rewards, and the punishments. And hearing it like thisfrom her…for the first time, I see it.

Maybe I really was part of a cult. And I killed for them.

She confirms that Layla did kill herself and tells Brandy that Luca and Declan buried her in the woods.

She tells her she didn't find out about Heidi until after she disappeared, and she knows nothing about the sister.

"What made you decide to tell your story now?"Brandy asks.

"I want the world to know that we aren't bad people. We aren't killers. We're just…a couple of people who fell in love with a lie. Who hasn't been guilty of that?"

"I have one last question for you before we go. You mentioned before the interview that you were not willing to discuss the other survivors of the cult, Teagan Townsend and Alana Baker—"

"No, I'm not. Because Alana and Teagan are victims, too, and wherever they are now, they deserve peace. That's all Riv and I want—to be left in peace, to be normal again."

"What about Eli Wallace, the lesser-known member of the band? He left after the concert in Dallas, where it's believed Heidi's sister was last seen, and flew home to Boise, but by the time police arrived at his home, he and his entire family had disappeared."

"Declan and Eli hadn't seen eye-to-eye in a while. They argued a lot—mostly about little things, music-related—but I think there was a lot more to it than that. I don't think Eli is alive. I doubt his family is, either."

"What about Declan? Do you think he's still out there? And what would you say to him today if you could?"

"Declan De Rossi convinced me that he was immortal, so yes, I believe he's still alive."She pauses, leaning in and turning to face the camera."And if I could see him today, I would tell him that I fucking hate him. I hate you for what you did to us. I hate you for Brady and Layla. I hate you for Teagan. And I hate you because I know you'll never spend one second of a single day thinking of us or being sorry for any of it."She blinks, sending tears rolling down her cheeks."I hope you die miserable, weak, and alone. And to the fans who have hurt themselves or others because of this, I'm so sorry you believed the lie, too."

The camera zooms out and pans over to the reporter, who thanks Hazel and her viewers, and as crisis resources and their respective phone numbers and websites scroll across the screen, I turn off the television and roll onto my stomach. I close my eyes and try not to comfort myself by imagining I'm on a tour bus rolling down the highway with Declan and Luca on either side of me.

You were never in love,I remind myself.You were part of a cult. And they ruined you.

The nurses check on me a few times during the night. Aside from those moments, I sleep.

I wake when I hear someone shuffling around my bed. The lights are still off, but the sunlight streaming through the open blinds renders them irrelevant. It must be well into morning by now.

"How are you feeling, Teagan?" a nurse asks.

"I feel okay," I tell her. "I need to use the bathroom, though."

"Let me help you with all of this," she says. "We can actually just go ahead and take these off, and I'll remove the IV so you don't have to take all of this stuff with you. We're working on getting you checked out now. It might be just a little while, though, so I'll go ahead and order your breakfast, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I say.

"Great," she says. "And you look great, too. Let me know if you need anything else."

I grab my phone from the table and text my mom, letting her know that I'm up and they're going to let me leave soon. When I look up, the nurse, Stacy, is still there, standing at the threshold of the door.

"Is there…something else?"

"I'm sorry," she says, pushing the door closed. "I just…I can't leave without asking."

"Asking what?"

"What was it like? Touching the Devil? Caring for his brother? Knowing Him?FeedingHim?"

Oh, shit.She's one of those.

"Declan was just a man," I tell her. "That's all. He's not the Devil—not any more than the next narcissistic asshole. And his brother…" I pause, blinking back tears. "His brother is dead because he believed him, too."

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