Page 111 of The Road to Ruined

"It's not his fault."

"You mean it's my fault."

"No, I—"

"But it is, though. All of this is my fault."

"It's not," I tell him. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have told you about all of that. I shouldn't have put that on you, but you're my best friend, and I—"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm a killer," I tell him. "He didn't do that. I was born like this."

"Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to, Teag. It doesn't mean you should. He made you think that you had to and that you didn't have a place, and you do—you always did. I'll kill him, Teagan."

"He's your brother."

"He isnotmy brother," Luca snaps. "He's not my family; he's not even a person—yousaid that.You'remy family. He fucked with your head…he hurt you. He's fucking with Declan's head, too."

"I don't want to talk about him anymore, Luca, okay? It doesn't feel good."

"It's okay, angel," he says, kissing my forehead. "We'll get you better, and then you'll let me burn it or cut it off of you. You said I could do whatever I wanted to you, remember?"

"Yeah, I did, but—"

"You'll thank me, baby. I'm going to make it all better, okay?"

"Okay, Luca." I swing my leg over him and squeeze him tighter. Because that's what we do.

I won't argue. I know this side of him, and I'm sure finding out you have another brother your family kept a secret from you can't be anything less than complicated. And when he left me against his will, I loved Sebastian, and he's not Declan or Riveror Hazel or Rhett—he's not family…not in the ways that matter to Luca. It's different.

The rules don't always matter where love is concerned. I learned that, too.

And if that's what he needs, maybe I will let him. Later…when it doesn't hurt so much. When it's not still fresh.

"We've got a place picked out, Teag. I think you're going to like it. It's not the Mediterranean, but there's a beach, and it's pretty…like you," he says, running his fingers through my hair. "Hazel and Riv will like it, too. You'll be happy, baby."

He kisses my forehead and closes his eyes.

"I'm already happy," I tell him, brushing his hair away from his face.

"I'm going to get you guys paddleboards," he says. "And a life jacket for Riv because she can't swim."

"Luca, they're gone," I say. "I told you that."

But he's already asleep.

I kiss his lips and crawl out from under his arm. Declan is still out on the balcony, smoke billowing from his silhouette.

I grab Declan's shirt from the floor and pull it over my head, then head to the bathroom. There's a small lamp still on beside the television that I flip off as I pass. I wash my face and brush my teeth, but, as instructed, I don't shower. When I come out, Declan is lying across the other side of the bed.

"Teagan, I need to tell you something about Luca," he says quietly.

"Okay," I say, lying between the two of them. "What is it?"

"It's not that bad but…he's having a hard time with the pain pills. I want you to be aware of it because I'm going to need your help with that when we get out of here," he says. "He was taking too much, and I finally got him to cut back a bit but since we've been here, he's been taking too many again. He says he's beendoing too much, but I don't think he's really in that much pain. I think he's just…trying to numb everything else, you know?"

I nod. "Yeah, I know."

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