Page 44 of Out of the Dark

"I mean, you’re absolutely gorgeous, and you need something that’s going to complement your looks, not hide them. A vibrant-colored bikini is what you need."

She notices the look of mortification on my face when she says the word "bikini" and adds, "If you’re too uncomfortable with a bikini, we can find something that covers more skin."

"I’ll have to see how I feel when I try them on," I admit. Growing up, the importance of modesty was ingrained in me constantly, and even though I’m making strides to deconstruct all of those ridiculous ideas about not being too "tempting" so as not to lead the men into impure thoughts, it’s still difficult to shake the discomfort even when my logical mind knows the truth; I’m not responsible for anyone else’s thoughts or actions, and what I do with my own body is my business.

Wow, maybe I’ve been making more strides in therapy than I thought.

Dani takes that as all the permission she needs to start pulling swimsuits from the racks with reckless abandon, handing me some and keeping others for herself.

We both have close to a dozen items in our hands by the time we head toward the fitting rooms, a combination of swimsuits and cover-ups ranging from cute to somewhat obscene. Dani and I are ushered to rooms directly next to each other, and thankfully, we’re the only ones back here.

"Soooo," Dani’s voice sounds from the stall next to me, "not to be nosey—" a surefire sign she’s about to be nosey "—but what’s up with you and Mark? Any developments there?"

I’m grateful she’s not able to see the embarrassed smile that comes to my face. "Well, we might have kissed…"

"Oh my god!" she squeals, and my smile grows.

"But we’re not together," I add quickly to quell her enthusiasm. "Like, we kissed and it was amazing, but then he got weird about it and it was just awkward for weeks while we sort of skirted around the issue. And then I saw a woman coming out of his bedroom one night when I was supposed to be in class, but when I confronted him about it later, he says he didn’t sleep with her." The words all come out in a rush, and there’s a beat of silence before Dani speaks.

"God, he’s such a dumbass. I love him to death, but he needs to get his shit together."

I huff a laugh as I pull off the swimsuit I had just tried on and hang it back up before picking up the next.

"Well, we’re back to normal now… I think."

"So is ‘normal’ him holding you while you’re afraid and then looking at you every thirty seconds while you’re sleeping? Because that’s exactly what I saw on the plane."

"I guess not. But he’s made it very clear that he, quote, ‘doesn’t do relationships.’"

"Ugh, I could kill him," Dani mutters, just loud enough for me to hear over the clanking of hangers.

I’m not sure what else to say, so I stay silent, trying on yet another swimsuit. I haven’t felt comfortable in any of the ones I’ve tried on so far.

"Well, regardless of the fact that the dumbass is determined to get in his own way," Dani says, "I’m glad you’re here. You’re good for him."

"How so?"

She pauses for a moment, considering her words. "He has the tendency to push people away when he starts to get close to them, but I can see he’s letting his guard down more and more around you. Shane told me that Mark had a roughchildhood and generally has a hard time trusting others for that reason, though I’m not entirely sure of the details. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and you clearly mean more to him than I think even he realizes."

I don’t know why the admission has my heart feeling so heavy in my chest. Maybe it’s the idea of Mark suffering as a child, or maybe it’s the fact that everything now seems ten times more complicated. I know that I have feelings for him, but after our conversation about the kiss and everything that happened after, I had assumed things would go back to how they were before. He hadn’t responded to my accusation about him having feelings for me, and he had made a joke to divert the conversation immediately after. That had seemed like a gentle letdown to me.

But if what Dani says is true, that he has a hard time trusting others, then maybe…

"I want to see that red swimsuit on you," Dani says, interrupting my thoughts. "I think I’m going to get this black bikini."

I eye the red two-piece on the hanger—it’s one I haven’t been brave enough to try on yet. "Okay, I’ll try that one on next," I tell her, grateful for the change in topic.

As soon as it’s on, I know she was right to pick this one. The bright red color is stark against my pale skin and blonde hair, but not overpowering. The bottoms are somewhere between a bikini and shorts, so they cover more than a lot of the others, but the top is made up of criss-crossed straps that end right at my waistline, leaving little triangles of bare skin visible around my ribs and chest.

It covers more than the last couple I’ve tried on, yet it feels so much sexier. The only other time I’ve felt this attractive was New Year’s Eve, and the memories of that night almost makeme want to experience it all over again, even despite the disappointing ending.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

Dani and I both slide the curtains to the side at the same time and step out, and her jaw drops.

"You look fuckinghot," she says with a grin. "Mark is gonna lose his damn mind."

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