Page 28 of Out of the Dark

Dani elbows Audrey and gives Sarah a sheepish smile before answering. "It’s not really new, but—" she brings her hand up near her neck so her ring and necklace are side-by-side "—it was part of the engagement." She giggles in response to Sarah’s excitement, and I notice Mark fidgeting at my side.

"I’m getting another drink," he mutters before turning and stalking toward the kitchen.

Shane raises an eyebrow at Mark’s random bout of frustration. Why is Mark suddenly annoyed, and why does Shane find that amusing?

"I’m going to talk to Mark," Shane chuckles while rolling his eyes, as if he’s dealing with a stubborn toddler rather than a late-30s, six-and-a-half foot man. "Quentin, would you like to join me and let the ladies have a moment?"

Quentin follows, and I take a step in toward the two women. Sarah is still gushing over Dani’s jewelry. "I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet!"

"Well, I don’t wear it while I’m at school because it’s a little more obvious than my other day collar, and I don’t need the older students asking questions, but I’ve been wearing it to the club. I guess we haven’t seen you two in a while, though."

There’s that word again—collar. I thought maybe I misheard the first time, but apparently not. Maybe it’s a brand of some sort? Because the only other collar I can think of is something that goes around a dog’s neck, and this definitely isn’t that. Dani’s is a thin silver chain with a small circle at her throat, and a black gemstone—matching the one on her engagement ring—sits directly in the center of the circle.

Sarah turns to me with a kind smile. "Have you been to the club?"

"I, uh, don’t think so." I have zero clue what club she’s referencing, so I don’t know why I answered that way instead of with a simple "no."

"Oh, sorry! I guess I assumed with you being here with Mark that you were in the lifestyle."

My brow furrows. "The lifestyle? And Mark and I are just friends."

She facepalms and looks at Dani. "I’m making a fool of myself. Help me out here, because I clearly don’t know how tokeep my mouth shut."

Dani’s expression is conflicted for a moment before she looks over her shoulder to make sure no one else is within earshot. Her eyes connect with mine as she speaks in a lowered voice. "Quite a few of the people here are friends we’ve made at the club Sarah mentioned. It’s a club for people who practice sexual activities that are a little more…unique. That’s what she was referring to with the term ‘lifestyle.’"

"Oh." I nod my head, taking in the information and trying to keep my expression schooled to one of casual interest. Inside, I’m trying to make sense of this new information while also trying not to show my discomfort with sex talk. It’s not that it bothers me, but the topic was so taboo my entire life that any discussion about sex for pleasure, let alone before marriage, is entirely foreign to me. Even now, I barely know the basics of it. And apparently there areclubsfor it? This is definitely new territory.

"So, how does this relate to your, um, collar?" I ask.

Dani absentmindedly twists the chain between her thumb and forefinger. "I suppose the easiest way to explain it is that it’s a symbol of commitment for us. Sort of like the engagement ring, but with slightly different meanings."

"What are the different meanings?" Now that I’ve opened the floodgates of curiosity, the questions are almost impossible to stop. Every answer she gives me makes me want to know more.

"Well, a ring is the ‘normal’ thing to show commitment to a relationship in a way everyone understands. But a collar is more of a symbol of commitment to our dynamic, his ownership of me as his submissive."

The words "ownership" and "submissive" make me cringe, a visceral reaction to the memories the words churn up. Whywould anyone want to be someone else’s property or be subservient to them? Back at home, that was exactly how women were viewed, and it was terrible. We were supposed to listen to the men without question, to serve the man as the head of the household while making ourselves small. In a world where you can be independent and equal as a woman, why would you be in a relationship where you’re seen as lesser than?

Dani must see the wheels turning in my head, because she clarifies. "It’s probably not like whatever you’re thinking. It can sound extreme or problematic at first, especially if you’re just learning about it, but it’s all consensual and something both of us enjoy."

"It’s a matter of total trust and communication," Sarah adds. "In a Dom/sub dynamic, the submissive willingly gives the Dominant his or her submission. It’s not like our partners forced us into these roles."

"Then why? I mean, why would you want to be in a relationship like that? Also," I add, "if I’m asking too many questions, please just tell me to stop." Over Dani’s shoulder, I catch Mark watching me from the kitchen with his whiskey glass lifted to his lips.

Dani’s answer forces me to look back at her. "It’s a bit different for everyone, but in my experience, I’ve spent my whole life being the one in charge, the person making decisions on everyone’s behalf. I overthink everything, and my anxiety tends to get the best of me. Shane is the only person I’ve ever met who can turn those spiraling thoughts off, and he does that by taking control of certain things in and out of the bedroom. I’m still my own person with my own career and freedom to live my life, but Shane helps me be the best version of myself. I give him my trust and my submission, and he givesme the safety to let go of control."

"And let’s not forget what else he gives you—a whole lot of orgasms," Audrey adds with a wink, breaking the serious mood that Dani’s speech conjured up. We all break up into laughter, myself included, though a small part of me still hears a chastising voice in my head telling me how wrong it is to openly talk about things like this.

"Any other questions?" Dani asks me once we get our laughter under control.

"So many, but maybe I’ll save them for another day. You said that Mark goes to that club too?"

A flash of something crosses her expression, though I can’t quite make out what it is. "I think that’s probably a conversation I should leave to the two of you."

That’s all the confirmation I need, though, considering Sarah told me earlier she assumed I’d be into it since I’m here with Mark. It sends my thoughts into a tailspin. Is he a Dominant like Dani described Shane as being? How often does he go to that club? Does he sleep with women there?

Ugh, I don’t even want to imagine that. But at the same time . . .

"Your glass is empty, let’s get you another drink," Sarah says. "Well, if you want one. No pressure."

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