Page 33 of Out of the Dark

This is my normal routine, my way of blowing off steam and avoiding the complications of deeper relationships. There are a handful of women who frequent the club who have been casual play partners that understand my stipulations. But tonight, being here feels more like going through the motions rather than actively looking for fun.

Claire’s face keeps popping up in my mind, and it’s incredibly frustrating. What’s even more annoying is the thread of guilt tugging at my chest for even being here.

What would Claire think about this?

It shouldn’t matter, I tell myself. Sure, we kissed, but it was a one-time thing brought on by heightened emotion due to the holiday. Everyone wants someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t mean anything.

And even if it did, it’s not like we’re dating. She never brought up the kiss in the two weeks since it’s happened, so we didn’t talk about it.

So why do I feel like I’m doing something wrong by being here?

Andrea, a woman I’ve known for a while, sidles up to me, a seductive smile curving her lips. Her dark hair is tied back in a ponytail, and her full hips sway as she approaches. She’s one of the few who understands the rules—no strings attached, no emotional ties, just fun.

"Hey, stranger," she purrs, brushing her fingers over my shoulder.

"Hey there. Want to have some fun tonight?"

She steps closer, and I catch a whiff of her perfume. "Of course I do. You always make me feel so good." Her voice is low and sultry in my ear, and despite the worry weighing down on me, my dick reacts to her in the way it always does.

"I know we usually stay here to play, but would you want to go back to my place instead? I’d prefer a quieter, more private environment tonight." It’s a half-truth, but I’m not even entirely sure of what the full truth is. All I know is that I don’t want to be around more people tonight, and even a private room here doesn’t feel quite private enough. I need to blow off some steam in a place that’s comfortable, and where better than my own apartment?

Andrea agrees, and I leave my mostly empty glass on the bar before we head toward the exit. Normally, I wouldn’tbring a woman home, especially with Claire around, but Claire is just starting her night class, so she won’t be home for at least another two hours.

Smiling, Andrea links her arm through mine as we make our way to my car. She’s not a very talkative woman, so the car ride is silent. I try to push aside any thoughts of Claire that pop into my head.

This is probably exactly what I need. To release some of the tension I’ve been feeling with a woman who wants the same things I do.

I lead Andrea to my bedroom, though a pang of unease shoots through me as I shut the door behind us. This is supposed to be simple and straightforward, but everything feels weird right now. Different.

Andrea slips off her coat with her eyes locked on mine. "I’ve missed this," she says as she peels off her shirt. "You haven’t been around in a while."

"I’ve had a lot going on."

Her fingertips trail down my chest, and I reach for her waist, but I hesitate, and my hand falls away.

"Well, hopefully we can get you to forget about all of that for a while."

Her words make me feel even worse. A sense of revulsion grips me, not toward Andrea, but toward what I’m doing. No matter how I twist it in my head, this feels like I’m using her to fill a void that Claire has unwittingly exposed. What the hell is wrong with me?

"I’m sorry," I say, stepping back. "I can’t do this."

Her brows furrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I blow out a slow breath. "I thought going to the club and finding someone to have some fun with would help this, but I don’t think I’m in the right headspace. I’m sorry."

She shrugs but huffs a small sigh of frustration. "It’s okay," she says, plastering on a fake smile. "I just wish I would’ve known before I left the club to come here."

"I understand. I’ll pay for your ride back to the club and buy you a drink next time I’m there as penance for my stupidity."

The smile she gives me this time is a bit more genuine as she pulls her shirt and coat back on. "There’s someone else, isn’t there? That’s what has you all up in your head."

How do women always seem to have a sixth sense about these things? I swear. The resigned look I give her is enough of an answer for her to not push it.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck. Truly. Though I will say that I’ll miss our arrangement if you’re taken off the market for good."

Chuckling, I hand her a hundred-dollar bill to cover the Uber ride back to the club plus some, and she opens my bedroom door to leave. "Bye, Mark."

"Bye, Andrea." I give her an awkward wave as she heads out and sit on my bed, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. What is wrong with me? First I kiss Claire, then do my best to get things back to normal because lord knows I don’t need to be corrupting her any more than I have, and now I’m turning down perfectly good—well,reallygood, if I’m being honest—sex. And for what? Because I have fleeting feelings for some girl I’m never going to actually be with? Because I’ll feel guilty for sleeping with someone after kissing Claire even though I have no real reason to be guilty?

---