Page 96 of Starstruck

Us when don’t care about the outside world, almost kissing inbroad daylight.

Us when we were with our friends, and we had no idea which versionof ‘us’ we were supposed to be in that moment.

I knew which one I wanted to be, but that was an ‘us’ that was never going tohappen.

Or so I thought, until I traced that smile again.

One of my shoulders lifted as I shook my head. “Addy does, but shewon’t pry, she’s not the type to.”

“And you’re parents?”

“They’ll be fine. I promise.” As I stepped forward, our hands brushed, and neither of us pulled away. The warmth of the contact lingered between us, and I couldn’t help but try to erase the hesitation still clouding his eyes.

“You’ve done a lot for me, Tristan,” I said softly, my voice steady though my heart was anything but. “Let me return the favour.”

His gaze dropped to where our hands touched, then slowly back up to meet mine. There was a flicker of something—something raw, something real that I wasn’t ready to name

For a moment, I thought he’d protest, insist that he didn’t need anyone, didn’t need me. But instead, he nodded, the tension in his shoulders softening just slightly as he whispered, “Okay.”

chapter thirty

kiss me until i can't see why we're so wrong

Ihadn’t been able to breathe properly until I got back to the dorm. Not since Ifound out where Finn was.

I’m surprised the door didn’t snap off its hinges with how hard I opened it, as I sprinted towards the bathroom and cupped my hands under the tap, drowning my face in the icy water, hoping it would shock me into remembering how to stay alive.

I thought I’d be okay. I thought I would have gotten a grip and be fine aboutbeing in a hospital again. But I was far from okay. I couldn’t see straight as those lift doors opened and Goldie asked me where his room was. All I could do was picture myself, back on my death bed, scared to death of losing everything as the lights above me flickered in my vision before they all turned to darkness.

It was stupid of me to hope that no one had noticed, but I saw the worriedglares, some from the girls, a few from Finn, but mainly from Goldie.

I walked over to the window and cracked it open the best I could, the cool airfrom the rainstorm filtering into the room and clearing the sweat from my forehead. I let my hands rest on my knees as I panted, as though the air was becoming harder and harder to catch the more I remembered that night.

I suddenly felt myself slip into a state I wasn’t sure what to call. It was asthough thick barbed wire had wrapped around my heart, piercing it in every corner and flooding my body. What felt like piles of bricks were dumped in my head, making it heavier than I knew what to do with. The tips of my fingers tingled, the sensation trailing up my arm and stiffening my shoulder blades, freezing me in a state of pure terror.

I was petrified, and there was nothing I could do but sit through it.

My voice was fighting its way out after God knows how long of whining andgroaning. I fisted my hair, frantically pulling at the damp strands, hoping it would relieve the pain. But it was useless. Everything I did was useless.

Somehow I’d drifted to the floor, my heart pounding against my knees thatwere tucked into my chest, my silent tears soaking the tops of them. After a minute of existing in the quiet pain, I felt the sensation fade, relief and peace taking over from the hell that had possessed me. But before I could sit in the light, there was a knock at the door, then another, and to save me from standing, I shouted at whoever it was, “Not right now.”

“Tristan?” Her voice was soft, laced with delicate worry. Knowing it wasGoldie outside made me smile—only a little one, but I’d take any smidge of happiness right now.

“It’s open,” I barely said, but a second later the door was opening, and Goldie’sgasp echoed around the room.

“Oh my… Jesus, what happened? Are you okay?” She rushed, and she sliddown to where I was on the floor, her hands frantically checking me over.

"I... I have no idea.” I shook my head as I said that, lifting my aching eyes tomeet her. Which was a mistake, because seeing how much panic lived in hers in that moment made my heart break. “Areyouokay?” I asked breathlessly.

She rapidly smoothed my hair out at the crown of my head as her breathingbecame erratic. “I just…” She swallowed. “What happened at the hospital, what I saw when you... I could just see something was bothering you and when I got back to my dorm, I couldn’t stop thinking about you so I came back and…” Her gorgeous eyes were tear-ridden as she sighed. “I knew I wouldn’t sleep without knowing you were okay.”

She dropped her head as the words left her mouth, the sob that gutted meweaving between her words, right before I felt her shoulders shudder.

"Hey, hey hey,” I rushed, sitting up straighter and holding her face in my hands, ignoring the pain inside me. “Look at me, Marigold.”

In a flash, her teary eyes were on mine.

I nodded at her, if only to calm her down, stop her shoulders from shakingand the tiny tears stop falling. “I’m okay.” I lied, but this girl didn’t deserve to bear my pain. That wasn’t a burden she warranted.

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