Page 70 of Starstruck

I drank up the last of my latte, savouring the honey that hadn’tbeen mixed in properly, the way I liked it, before I found it in me to peek at him again.

His eyes were on me, I knew they were. I always knew, thanks tothe trail of wildfires his stare left behind as he traced my features.

So I smiled, as though my heart wasn’t raging. “Was there anythingelse on your mind? That you… wanted to talk about?”

He contemplated my question for a second, before his softly shookhis head. “No, no, I think that was everything.” His smile was as sweet as the honey I could still taste on my lips, but it disappeared behind his hands before I could really take it in. “Sorry, we came here to help you and all I've done is complain.” His laugh sent flutters through my stomach. "I've been no bloody help at all."

“That’s not true, you’ve helped me know exactly whatnotto do on adate.”

His hands dropped back onto the table as his eyes found mine. “Which is?”

My hand fell on the plate that used to housemycustard tart. “To not get justonepastry for the table because you seem to have eaten it all.”

His laugh was so genuine, in a way that made my smile ache. Icouldn’t hold in the laugh that danced on the tip of my tongue, especially once I counted the crumbs that lay in the crease of his mouth, before he spotted me and swiped at them.

“Thank you.” He muttered, his voice the softest I’d ever heard it.

“For?”

“Making me laugh. I think I needed it.”

For a moment, I tried to focus on anything but the urge to keepthat smile on his face forever. Instead, I flashed a smile and said, “No, thank you. This was actually just a ploy to see how your brain worked. You know, psychology major and all, I just couldn’t help myself.”

Both of us laughed at my poor excuse to make things appear casual between us, like we hadn’t just crossed some invisible line, exposed something deeper.

But as his laugh faded, he shook his head. “I think that's one of the things I’ll miss, you know.”

As my laughs simmered, I asked, “What? My annoying habit to try and figure everyone out because that’s all I ever want to do?”

“No,” he whispered. “Just you.”

I didn’t know what everyone in those songs meant when they saidtheir heart skipped a beat, but I think I just found out what they were talking about.

I threw a smile on my face. “Well, you’re still stuck with me untilthat day.” I looked at him. “That is if you still want to do this.”

“Yeah,” He nodded. “I want to help you, Gold’s.”

“Good, because I have a feeling I’ll miss you when you leave so anytime with you will be nice.” My eyes clamped shut. “And the other guys too; we all will.”

I knew I didn’t want Tristan to leave, but I also knew what I’dagreed to when we even made this deal in the first place.

No falling.

But I didn’t know what the plan was if I was already falling andcouldn’t find a way to catch myself. What was the rule for that?

But even as he stood, even as he walked beside me like nothing had shifted, I couldn’t ignore the fact that something had. And the worst part? It was me.

chapter twenty one

stop calling me that, i like it too much

I’ve done this hundreds of times–held hands with a boy toconvince the world that we were in love. Falling into something. It was what I was paid to do up until I came clean about hating every second I’d ever spent on a set. But not once did I have a problem detaching what was happening behind the cameras from real life.

So why was it happening now?

I had to look away every time Tristan sent a squeeze through myhand. I had to pretend I was really interested in what the tips of our shoes looked like every time he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I had to re-read an entire page on the attitudes towards biopsychosocial models of psychopathology when I’d already written three pages worth of notes on it last night to get my mind off what was happening to me.

The breeze from the air conditioning, which had no right to beblasting now that November was here, made me shiver once it hit me, but all that did was cause Tristan to pull our locked hands closer together.

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