Page 35 of Starstruck

“You don’t think that you’re a priority?” I didn’t miss the way hervoice cracked, like hearing me say those things chipped off a piece of her heart.

I shook my head. “I gave up everything I’d ever known to be here,Add’s. If I’m going to prove to mom and dad that throwing away everything they worked for with my acting was worth me being here then I need to stay focused. I’m not saying that I can’t have fun with my friends, that was something we all agreed we owed ourselves. But… I just don’t see how my heart fits in with all those other things. And if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t know how to fit it in even if I did.”

“And why not?”

I shrugged. “I’ve never had time to get to know it before. And nowthat I do, I don’t know where to start.”

The fire that had always flickered in Addy’s eyes seemed tosimmer, the embers dying out as she skated her thumbs over the backs of my hands.“Gold’s, you’ve got four years to figure out what your heart wants.And I know it’s overwhelming. I felt that way too when I left California, all on my own, just like you. Granted, I’d somehow figured out before I left that Nate was the one who my heart belonged to, but that doesn’t mean that time won’t come for you. And until that moment arrives, live a little.”

“But Addy,” I sighed, chewing on this inside of my cheek, beforedropping my gaze. “I feel lost.”

“Good,” The word had my eyes springing back up to meet hers. “Thatmeans you’ve got somewhere to go, some place that you want to be, whether you know it or not.” Her thumbs stopped skating for a moment, her fingers lacing through mine, warming them as she smiled. “And you’ve got all the time in the world to get there, honey. You’ve got time to figure out your heart, and what makes it stutter. But…”

“What?” I asked, holding onto her stare for dear life.

My sister shrugged, a harmless smile dancing on her mouth. “Nothing… it’s nothing—”

“No, tell me.”

Addy studied our locked hands for a second, before shufflingcloser, the ends of her hair barely scuffing the table. “Goldie I’ve known you from the second you came into this world, and I have never seen you, the most confident, self assured young woman I’ve ever known, stumble over her words like you did when you were talking about that guy.”

I felt the colour drain from my face.

But Addy only gathered our hands and shook them. “But that’s agood thing, Goldie.”

I shook my head. “How is becoming breathless everytime you think about someone a good thing?”

Addy shrugged, the corners of her mouth curling. “It means you’renot as clueless as you think you are.”

Her words hung in the air, sinking in slowly. They made sense, but Icouldn’t figure out what to do with them. It wasn’t just about knowing what made my heart race—that part was easy. But the rest? The dates, the first kiss... The more I turned it over in my mind, the more I realised just how lost I really was.

But I nodded at my sister; it was all I could do without begging hernot to leave my side and help me walk through all of this. It was all I could do without admitting that being on my own, although it’s what I wanted, was scary when I really thought about everything I’d missed out on, everything I was unprepared for.

That was a conversation for another day. She’s be leaving town soonand I didn’t want it to just be full of moments of me asking her how to be.So I smiled, before shoving the last of my custard tart right in my mouth, letting her think what she’d said had done it’s magic.

chapter eleven

let's trade daydreams

“Tristan? Tristannnn?” Becca’s voice pulled me from my thoughts andflung me back into the library, where we were sitting around the light oak table with stacks and stacks of books surrounding us.

I was still waiting for an answer from that deity, because somehow I'd convinced myself that showing up today would be worth my time. Shock horror, it wasn't. The second we sat down, it was eyelash flutters and knee nudges that were anything but accidental.

I drag my eyes to hers, my stare as blank as my notebook, before letting my head fall into my hands and raking them through my hair. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Her head tipped to one side, the blunt edges of her blonde hairbrushing her bare shoulders. The library's air conditioning hummed with relentless intensity, likely for the books, but I pulled my sleeves over my knuckles, teeth on the verge of chattering. She didn’t flinch, though, just sat there, like the cold didn’t dare touch her.

“I was saying…” She cast her eyes back down to the dozen books wehad spread out over the table, studying them for barely a second, before closing the one in front of her, the thud echoing around the room. “Look, why don’t we put a pin in this? We’re both tired, and frankly, this is just boring.” She started gathering the papers around us. “How about we go get some frozen yoghurt or something?”

I lifted my hands as they lay on the table, like I’d lost all the fucksI had to give. “And that would be?”

Her head whipped over to me, eyes wide. “You’veneverhad frozenyoghurt? Boy, they really hate you over in Europe. Oh, but I’d love to go one day; I’ve heard it’s such a nice country.”

Ah, yes, Europe—that famous country where all Europeans live inharmony in one happy utopia. Seriously, what did they teach the kids over here?

I didn’t even try to hide the sarcastic grin creeping onto my face as I pushed my chair back, slamming the oversized textbook shut with a bit more force than necessary. “You know what, love? I’ll give the frozen yoghurt a miss. How about we just call it a day, yeah?”

Before I could collect the stationery I had scattered across thetable, I felt Becca put a hand on my arm, her fingers so cold I could feel them through my sleeve.

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