Page 118 of Starstruck

The guilt continued to eat away at me as I latched my eyes onto the crowd,shredding at whatever it could when I realised that this was all my fault. Luckily, Dad had helped me to secure an apartment for the week for me, Jesse, and Finn, as a way of saying sorry that they couldn’t even get home in peace, let alone leave for classes without being heckled.

They reached out to me the second they heard the news, asking how I was, howGold’s was, and starting to speculate on how this had even happened.

But I couldn’t tell them that story in the confinement of our group chat, so I waited until I was back.

I’d met up with them yesterday morning, when I flew back from Montana aftereverything had died down with Goldie’s dad. He apologised in the end, for snapping, and I told him that I’d do the same if that type of story was leaked about the guy my daughter was dating, but from what Nate told me, when he texted me after I landed, was that Goldie didn’t let him off as easily as I did. And neither did Addy.

But the boys were just the same as we unloaded our things into the apartmentand crashed down onto the couches. We talked, I came clean about everything, and all they were was supportive, reassuring me that they’d do everything they could to support me whilst I was here.

And after I’d welled up and cried in front of them, we then got onto the subjectof how this had even gotten out. But they didn’t need to guess for long, not when I knew exactly who’d let this secret go.

I think I’ll remember the looks on their faces for the rest of my life when Ilooked at them and said, “Sommerford.”

chapter thirty nine

it's too late for you to pretend to save me now

Ipress the record button on my phone, and lower my voice into awhisper.

“It’s simple, once you break it down; without the capability to fall inlove, there wouldn’t be life. There would be no compassion, no altruism. There wouldn’t be any purpose, or courtesy, or value for the people we surround ourselves with and the environment we exist in.”

I lean my body back and rest my spine on the ridges of the chair, asmy eyes trace the details of the paintings that live on the dome ceiling of the library. “Whether we know it or not, we’re all born with the ability to fall in love; it just depends on the lives we lead or get led into whether we get to use it. And that is why I believe, along with my findings, that falling in love is one of the easiest things our minds can do, but it all depends on the ways we are shown how easy it can be.”

My head fell forward as those final words left my mouth, my hairfalling past my shoulders and skimming the table as I raked my hands through the strands.

I’d been putting off finishing this case study for a while now, purelybecause I couldn’t find a spare part of my brain to do the research. But when I came back to the papers and the notes I’d made throughout my sporadic study sessions, I used what I could of my time here over these past few months to show just how true my findings were.

Falling in love was easy when you saw it happening. Falling in love wasfine if you had the time to learn what made your heart beat faster and what made it simmer. But growing up, being rushed into life and having barely any time to myself... I didn’t know if I was falling in love in the right way. I didn’t know the rules. I didn’t know if I was falling into too many different kinds of love, and whether I had to give some up to carry on.

But even now, I could feel how much room there was in my heart.

Now that I knew what made my pulse thump louder, I knew the love I had for my friends, my sister, Tristan, and my life here were all right.

There were no rules for true love other than to trust it.

I blew out a breath as I gathered my papers, the highlighted words in pastelcolours looking more vibrant in the light glow of this section of the library. I knew I’d favour this seat for the next four years, directly in the centre of the room, under the skylight of the dome and surrounded by pretty words, bound in covers that were even prettier.

After admiring the room and letting my thoughts wander, I went back topacking away my things, when I heard footsteps tapping against the wooden floor, nearing closer until I turned around to see who it was.

I was met with freshly tousled blonde hair and blue eyes that made mebreathless once upon a time, but now I barely felt a thing.

I threw a small, meaningless smile on my face as I looked up at him before looking back at my notes. “Hello,Henry.”

“Hey,” he chirped. “Classes don’t start until Monday and you’realready back in here?” He asked, that charming tone entwined around his words.

I huffed a laugh, busying myself by highlighting something. “Ha, yeah. I’d put off finishingthe case study, so I thought, why not? Whilst it’s quiet.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him as he claimed the chair oppositeme, lounging back and folding his arms around his light blue sweater, one with the Liberty Grove logo written across the chest. I could feel his eyes on me, tracing something, but I carried on clearing my things and closing my laptop, trying my best to ignore the awkwardness that was floating between us.

He didn’t reply to the apology message I’d sent him that night after the Lionsgame. I tried my best to not feel guilty about it, but there was still a vine or two of it that wrapped around my heart and squeezed at it gently.

And when I finally lifted my head, met his eyes and sank into the ocean that lived in them, I couldn’tstop my mouth as it opened. “I’m sorry for what I called you—”

“It’s fine, Goldie—”

“No… I’m sorry.” I insisted. “It was rude of me.”

He shook his head, his dimples deepening as he smiled. “It’s fine. I didn’t comehere to chase you up on that, anyway.”

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