Page 25 of Starstruck

On the one hand, I didn’t want to be here, not truly. If the badhabits never stuck and I didn’t trust the wrong people with the most fragile parts of me, I wouldn’t be here. I’d be in a recording studio back in London, writing songs until I could feel the sleep stinging my eyes. I’d be spending hours fine-tuning my guitar skills and feeling the weight of getting better pressing down on my shoulders.

Getting attached meant preparing to let go of these people when Iwas ready to go home, and I think I’d suffered enough without going through that too

But on the other hand… God did this feel easy. The bonding and thelaughing and doing the things that people my age should naturally be doing.

It felt… right.

It felt like I’d met the people who were the polar opposites of thepeople I met after my first single went viral, the people who lured my naive self in, whisked me into their dark little underworld in the gutters of Soho and left me for dead once they’d had their fun.

C'mon Harper, don’t be a pussy again.

You’ve done coke, Molly’s not so different.

Two pills–that’s what you need. You won’t feel anything otherwise.

I had to squeeze my eyes to shut out the flashes from theambulance lights and the week spent on a drip out of my mind.

A giggle broke through my thoughts, echoing off the walls of thecrevasse I wanted to ignore, as I cast my eyes down to the mouth it slipped out of.

Goldie.

Her face, her voice, even her laugh seemed to reside in the part ofmy mind that was trying to enjoy being here. Although, every time I tried to look at her, she looked in the other direction. And something about it felt purposeful.

As though she could feel my eyes on her, she brought her eyes ontome. And naturally, I smiled at her.

But not a second later, she cast her eyes back to the floor, herhead springing back up after a heartbeat and whispering to Cora, “I’ll be back in a sec.”

I watched as she left, scurrying away into the crowd like someinvisible creature was chasing her. Like she was running away from something that was only in her mind.

Somehow, it felt like I’d done something to make her leave—like I’dstared too long, tried to figure her out and spooked her. I couldn’t quite place the feeling, but deep down, I knew I should’ve craved the silence, the one less person to talk to.

But as I looked back over my shoulder, spotting her almostimmediately by the edge of the glass, staring out at the city, I couldn’t think of a better spot to exist in.

I don’t say anything as I slip from the group, nor do I think I needto. The conversation would exist with or without me, so quietly I left and made a beeline for Goldie.The nearly empty glass in my hand gives me something to distractmyself with as I near her, not knowing what to say when I walk up to her, just knowing that I want to say something.

Anything.

But just as I step closer, the thump of my heart picks up as Iclose the distance, she turns around, surprise delighting in those topaz eyes.

“Oh, hi.” She says up to me, her stare flicking between my eyes.

“Hi,” I say to her, but before I can offer up anything else, before Ican even think about talking to her again, she tries to shuffle around me.

“I better get back to—”

“Was it the crude band shirt I offered you or my presence that'sthe reason you’re avoiding me?”

A pink flush invades her cheeks. “No, it’s not– crude?” Her headpulls back. “What was crude about it?”

Shrugging, I let my body relax. “Lets just say that there used to bea pair of tits on there but… okay, so it’s not the T-shirt.” I narrowed my eyes at her, not hating the mischief that I knew was decorating my smirk. “So it’s me then. Wonderful.”

Immediately, I didn’t like the way guilt cast over her eyes.

Before, I could see the dusky stars and the final moments ofsunlight dancing between the impurities that made her eyes the colour they were. But now, nothing.

Worry splashes on her face. “No, no. I’m sorry—”

I dip my head to reach her height. “No, don’t apologise, you’venot done anything wrong.” My hand covered my chest. “I’m sorry. I just thought I'd done something.”

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