Page 21 of Starstruck

And I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It was all so new.

Even now, all I could see was that smirk, the one that made me forget I was covered in my lukewarm latte. All I felt was his fingertips grazing mine as he passed me his t-shirt. All I could do was try to figure out why he looked so familiar. All I could smell was his cologne that was embedded in the stitches of the t-shirt, which were now clinging to me for dear life.

“Gold’s, you okay?” Rory’s voice pulled me out of whatever trance I was in.

After letting my eyes come back into focus and taking in the way her thick, dark hair fell to the middle of her back, covering the pink strappy dress she had on, I quickly nodded at her. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine."

After getting lost between buildings that all looked the same, we eventually made it to the Soho Observatory. Every kind of decoration in the signature green and colour Liberty Grove colours were the other inkling that we'd found where we were supposed to be. We all get handed our passes and head over to the elevator up to the 42nd floor.

"Is this a good time to mention that I’m petrified of heights?” Rory’s shaky voice echoes off the mirrored walls of the elevator, her overly furrowed brows and tightly closed eyes reflecting off every surface too.

I tapped across the floor until I was beside her, wrapping my short arms around her and tugging her close to me. “I’ll stay away from the edge with you if you want?” I asked, smiling up at her as one of her eyes peeked open.

“Will you?” She asked in a whisper.

“No, I’ll stay with her,” Daisy called from the other side of the elevator. “Me and heights get on about as well as brand new Wilson Boots and Montana shoeshine.” She laughs to herself as she dips her head, but after a moment of silence and my and Cora's eyes darting around trying to figure out what she meant, she looks back up at us. “Shoeshine is what we say when you step in a pile of cow shi—”

The ding of the elevator makes all four of us go silent, as the doors open to reveal a walkway. And right at the end, through a pair of glass doors, is possibly the most breathtaking sunset I’ve ever seen.

My feet move without me thinking; the effortless swirls of yellows, pinks and lilacs were all that drove me to walk out onto the lookout platform. I couldn’t make out what the girls were saying as they followed behind me, but I did hear their collective gasp as they joined me, until all four of us stood beside each other as the slow hum of music hovered around us.

I had a feeling that this would be a moment I’d think back to when we graduated. And I know that feels like a lifetime away, but I just know that this will be what I’m thinking about as we all cross our stages. All I’ll see is the pastel sunset and four friends from separate corners of the planet, starting the rest of their lives.

“Je pense que je vais vomir,” Rory mutters, almost breathlessly. “Okay, that’s enough view for me. Daisy, care to join me anywhere that isn’t near that glass wall of death?”

“Love to.” Daisy rushes, and the pair fall out of our line, leaving only me, Cora, and the view.

“God, I wish we had sunsets like this back in London,” Cora says, keeping her eyes fixed on the skyline. “Calling it pretty feels like an insult.”

I sucked in a breath, the cold air sending chills through my body. “It’s everything I dreamed it would be.”

I don’t think I could take my eyes away from the view, even if someone turned me away from it. I felt Cora’s attention shift, though, landing on me instead.

“Do you need a moment?”

I glanced up at her, tilting my head slightly—Cora wasn’t much taller than me. Unlike the Cora I knew, and adored, her question held no teasing, no mockery. Just pure sincerity.

She, Daisy, and Rory all knew what it meant for me to be standing here right now. Cora and Rory knew me before I met them; they had seen my face on TV and became distant fans of the girl on the screen. But what they didn’t know, until that one night when it seemed all our secrets and trauma-ridden pasts were being shared, was why I wanted to be here so badly.

My life had never felt like mine. Neither did my future, or my dreams, or my thoughts, or my words. Nothing about me felt like it belonged to me. It felt as though each of those things had a label, and scribbled onto that label were my parent's names.

They were passionate about me and my sister having careers in the limelight that they never had for themselves. Mom left home at eighteen and set her dreams on the lights and stars of Los Angeles, while Dad was the son of one of the best producers from the golden age of Hollywood. But it seemed that both of their dreams never gained enough speed to fully take flight.

And so, their dreams were passed onto us like hand-me-down dungarees and vintage sweatshirts.

What we didn’t expect to inherit was the people-pleasing gene that seemed to skip both our parents and fall straight onto us. I had no idea Adaline was just as terrified of saying no to them as I was. I had no idea that the same fears that stormed over the tower I’d locked myself in also rained upon hers, too. Until the first dinner we had as a family in eight years ended with unmasked secrets, raised voices, and me crying so hard I forgot how to breathe.

But if all of it meant I got to stand here right now, looking out onto the city I dreamed about the second my head hit the pillow, I’d live that life a thousand times over.

Because I made it.

Ifinallymade it.

The words felt like a sigh of relief as they travelled through my mind, and before I knew I felt my lips tug into a soft smile.

I nodded at Cora, her pretty eyes softening as she looked down at me, before I felt her move away, leaving me with only my thoughts and the view.

I sucked in as much fresh air as my lungs would allow as I carefully made my way to the glass. It looked so clean that I had to graze my fingertips against it, just to make sure it was there. But the glow from my hair and the slight reflection from my dress made the illusion fade too.

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