Page 98 of The Fate Of Us

“Because with it, it would remind me that if I wanted to move on, I had to stop lovingher.”

My best friend leans forward, a whisper of a smile on his face as he asks. “And how’sthat working out for you?”

Chapter twenty-seven

Nate

It’sthelastdayof filming before we fly to L.A. for the rest of the shoot, and for the firsttime since I moved to New York, I’ve never been more excited to leave.

Not because I’ve fallen out of love with it, I don’t think that would ever happen. It’swhere I became who I am, where I learned to become someone I was proud of, and learned to balance my life in such a way that my anxiety became less of a burden.

I think the reason I’m itching to leave is because of how much this shoot has changedthings. Changed dynamics that I was comfortable with. Not happy, but comfortable. It’s brought people into my life I thought I’d never see again, ones who had no idea they played such a huge role in the worst years of my life.

It’s made me realise how madly in love I am with Addy, and just how much having heraround makes me… happy.

The only thing standing in our way now was the truth, from both of us. And maybethat's the part that excited me about going to L.A.

I promised myself I’d tell her the truth about that day, when she thought I never showedup. I hoped she’d finally admit about her and Asher and finally let me let that part of our lives go.

The place where we fell in love might just be the place to do that.

“Well, everyone, that’s a wrap!! See you all bright and early next Monday in sunnyL.A.!” Sebastian calls as a round of cheers and claps echo around the set.

I don’t try to look for Addy in the crowd. I’m already regulating my breaths at thethought of catching eyes with her, being tangled up in those wordless conversations we had now and then. I haven’t talked to her since the kiss… both of them. I hadn’t been around her long enough to gather how she was feeling.

But if the way she looked when I ran off set, after her improved line that cast stars in myeyes and clouds in my head, my heart knew that she wasn’t happy.

As the cheers die down, everyone begins to filter out, packing up equipment andscurrying around to clear the space for the next movie that was happening at the lot. My feet take me back to my dressing room, stopping for a few selfies from crew members along the way, before I slam the door shut, rattling whatever was on my desk.

Too much had happened on this shoot. Too much had happened outside this room, that it felt like the memories would come banging on the door any minute. I felt the wretchedness of it all cement in my mind, wrapping me in a blanket made of barbed wire and regret.

I’d already known this shoot would be difficult. I knew it would test me. Test us. I knewall that as I scribbled my signature over the dotted line of the contract six weeks ago.

So why the fuck did you sign it?

“I…” The letter falls out of me, mingling with the heavy breaths I hadn’t realised I wastaking. I hadn’t realised how slumped my back was against the door, how my hands were gripping my knees, how my head had fallen like it had finally given up.

I missed what we used to be, was what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the strength todo it.

The way my hands took on that familiar numbness made my chest rise and fall in the way Iknew it would. And it’s sad… to think that I can map out every second of my attacks before they even begin. The routine helps me ride them out, I suppose. It distracts my mind for long enough that it’ll pass before I know it.

But what has me distracted from this attack, from the shakes and the tight pain in mychest, is the text tone of my phone sounding out from my jeans pocket.

I take a hand away from my knee to glide it out, the ice block of pain in my chest meltingaway the second I read the word Firefly.

Firefly

Today 3:43 PM

Hi.

I have to wipe my forehead before I even think about what this means.Casual greetings weren’t what we did. So where was this one coming from?

I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out how to bat the conversationback, and in the end only coming up with,

Hi.

The chair at my desk was calling my name as I padded over to it, clutching my phone likea lifeline, before sitting down at the same time Addy replied.

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